Sorry for the delay!

Hello all, apologies for the long delay. I’ve been SUPER busy, so I have not been able to update. However, if you’re still interested in the continuation of the Trumpalogues, let me know.



7/6/2018 – Epics

PENCE: Sir, Scott Pruitt is here. 

TRUMP: Scott Pruitt. 

PENCE: Yes sir. 




PENCE: EPA chief. You’re firing him. Lack of ethics. 

TRUMP: Got it. Needs those. Ethics. 

PENCE: Yes sir. Ethics. 

TRUMP: Ethics. 



PENCE: It means good behavior and doing the right thing. 

TRUMP: Already knew that. Trump has lots of epics. So good. So epic. Believe me. Epic king!

PENCE: No, sir epic is actually-

PRUITT: You wanted to see me sir? 

PENCE: Thank God. I’ll be outside. 

TRUMP: You. Pence. Out. But don’t go too far out. New derogatory terms I want to try out. Albino test dummy! 

PRUITT: Is this a bad time or-

TRUMP: You. Pruitt. Gotta fire you. So bad. No epics. Can’t have that. 

PRUITT: Epics? Mr. President I’m afraid I don’t understand what you-

TRUMP: Not me you. You you. You. Bad guy. Have to let you go.  

PRUITT: I don’t under-

TRUMP: Wait for it…..YOU’RE FIRED. Not just fired but Trump fired. Trump fired best fired believe me. Take limo downstairs, make video commentary, see you next week on the Apprentice.

PRUITT: Sir I’m afraid you’ll have to explain the reasons why I’m being let go. 

TRUMP: You know. 

PRUITT: Afraid I don’t sir. 




PRUITT: Should…I get the Vice President? 

TRUMP: No. Get Pence instead. 

PRUITT: Isn’t he the…sure. Be right back!

TRUMP: Ugh. This guy. So unepical. 

PENCE: Mr. President, you wanted to see me? 

TRUMP: No. Not at all. You last thing I ever want to see forever. Just need you to tell Mr. Unepics here why I’m firing him. 

PENCE: Ah. Well. There’s the 13 federal investigations into his behavior and decision-making at the EPA, the excessive first-class flights and personal security budget, he’s universally reviled by both Democrats and Republicans, his leadership has been questioned by all his subordinates, he’s a climate change skeptic with close ties to the fossil-fuel industry and spent years suing the EPA over policies he argued constituted federal overreach, he enlisted a government aide to help secure his wife a business opportunity with Chick-fil-A and a potential 6 figure salary at a GOP group, then there’s the excessive and inappropriate use of staff for personal errands, the luxury hotel stays where he asked his staff to pay on their personal credit cards, and let’s not forget the-

TRUMP: Got it. So unepical. But not a bad guy. Scott. You. Defend yourself. Go. 

PRUITT: Sorry sir, my mouth was full. Just finishing up my sandwich. 

TRUMP: What kind of sandwich. 

PRUITT: Baby seal. 

TRUMP: Baby seal. 

PRUITT: Yes sir. Delicious. Had my secretary pay for it. 

TRUMP: Pence. You. Need to ask you something. 

PENCE: Go ahead sir. 

TRUMP: This is that epics thing you’re talking about isn’t it. The bad kind. 

PENCE: Yes sir. Bad ethi…er…epics. 

TRUMP: Ok. Pruitt. You. Fired. Out. You. Pence. Find me new EPA chief. Someone into oil. 

PENCE: *sigh* Got it sir. 

PRUITT: Sorry sir. Anything else? 

TRUMP: No. Wait. Yes. Leave the sandwich. Sounds delicious! 

6/20/2018 – Ball

POMPEO: I’m not certain we need to worry about these particular details so early in the process, sir. 

TRUMP: You. Not a planner. That’s why your city is gone. Covered in lava!

POMPEO: Again, Mr. President, neither I nor my immediate family are from the ancient Roman city of Pompeii. My last name merely sounds-

TRUMP: Space Force needs lightsabers. Tell NASA to get moving on that. Force is strong!

POMPEO: Sir, I must insist that it’s not possible to-

PENCE: We’ll get right on that, Mr. President!

TRUMP: This guy. Pence. Mostly useless but knows how to get the ball rolling. Pale go-getter!  

POMPEO: Why would you enable him like that? 

PENCE: Trust me, when his ball is rolling it’s best to get out of the way. 

TRUMP: What’s the next enormous problem I’m solving in five minutes today? 

POMPEO: Well, there is the whole illegal immigrant children thing. 

PENCE: Basically any illegal border crossers-

TRUMP: Filthy criminals. 

POMPEO: Well many of the illegal immigrant families are simply seeking-

PENCE: Yes sir, the filthiest. 

POMPEO: JESUS, Mike, how could you-

PENCE: Ball. 

POMPEO: *Sigh* Fine. 

TRUMP: So what’s the dillyo? That’s what the black kids say right? 




PENCE: Sure. 

TRUMP: You. Half albino man. Speak. 

PENCE: Well sir, long story short, the media are having a field day about your decision to simply enforce the policy of sending border crossers back to Mexico. However, an unfortunate side effect is immigrant kids are being separated from their parents. 

TRUMP: O’Bomb’s program. Been going on for years. Kids in cages. So awful. 

POMPEO: But sir, even though former President Obama is no longer here, the kids are still being separated from their parents and being detained in holding facilities with chain link fences. And these facilities, sir…well…quite frankly, they look like cages. 

TRUMP: Totally true. One big difference. 

POMPEO: What’s that? 

TRUMP: Trump cages best cages. So good. Just the best. Classy incarceration!






TRUMP: Walls. So much better. Cage fences. Acceptable temporary substitute!

PENCE: So, Mr. President, the immigrants-

TRUMP: Law breaking filthy refugees.

PENCE: Law breaking filthy refugees, sure, are coming here breaking the inherent border laws of the country. And then these individuals are being separated from their children. 

POMPEO: Even though quite often these adults and children are unrelated. 

TRUMP: Sounds awful. Terrible O’Bombs policy. Heartless. Just the worst. 

POMPEO: Mr. President, technically that is true, but even though you inherited this awful policy the media is unfairly focusing on this existing policy to smear your name. 

TRUMP: So unsmearable. People love me.  



TRUMP: I can make you disappear in 12 hours. 

POMPEO: Got it. Well, regardless, by allowing the program to continue, this is being misinterpreted as your policy now. 

TRUMP: No more separations. Ending policy. Done. Boom. 

POMPEO: Wow. That was…easy. 

PENCE: Just wait for it. 

POMPEO: Wait for what? I don’t understand. The president just reversed a policy that keeps illegal immigrant families separated. It shows he’s a compassionate-

TRUMP: Can’t have Trump name smeared over a bunch of Mexicans. Trump name spotless. So good. Trump name best name believe me. 

PENCE: That. Wait for that.  

POMPEO: Just when I thought there was a spark of altruism there-

PENCE: It was stomped on by the sledgehammer of ego. Get used to it. 

TRUMP: You Pompeii guy. Find out if any of those Mexicans are interested in joining the Space Force. Can help defend planet against Klingons. Also keeps them in space and out of the country. Boom. Double-edged bird!

POMPEO: I don’t think that figure of speech is-

PENCE: Ball, Mike. Ball. 

POMPEO: …yes sir. Double-edged…bird. 

TRUMP: Up next. Cancer. I can skip lunch. Quick fix! 

6/18/2018 – Optics

TRUMP: Don’t understand why press don’t get it. Have to enforce catch and release. 

PENCE: I’m just saying sir it doesn’t look good. 

POMPEO: The optics here are just not with us when it comes to separating children from their families, even if they’re entering the country illegally.

TRUMP: Listen to you. Like a modern day Ibn al-Haytham. 



TRUMP: The father of modern day Optics? Am I the only one that reads here? 

PENCE: Hate when has random knowledge like that. 

POMPEO: I don’t think you understand what the long term public perception damage Catch and Release is doing to your administration, sir.  

TRUMP: No. You. The one not understanding. Ok. Pull up your brains and sit down. Catch. Release. It’s like this. Guy has a ball. 

PENCE: A ball?

POMPEO: I don’t-

TRUMP: Big ball. Heavy. Round. Has holes in it like Bernie’s tax plan. You throw it. Bunch of pins. Ten of them. Have to avoid alley. 

PENCE: That…doesn’t sound like-

POMPEO: Bowling. That’s bowling sir. 





POMPEO: The shoes are nice though.  

TRUMP:  Shoes. So good. Just the best. 

PENCE: Nice save. 

TRUMP: Never liked playing Catch and Release anyway. Giant black object avoiding gutters and trying to hit a bunch of perfectly decent white objects minding their own business. It’s-


PENCE: Hey Mr. President! How about that Space Force!

TRUMP: Space Force. Just the best. Like military but spacesuits and lasers. So good. Just the best. Need to create right now!

POMPEO: Nice save for YOU Michael!

PENCE: Thanks. I only pull it out when he’s going down a dangerous path. 

POMPEO: So why IS the president interested in a Space Force? 

PENCE: I told him Martian chicks are hot. 

TRUMP: Note to self. Build Space Force. Send exploration team to Mars. Pick up hot young Martian girls, keep out rest of Martian family. Catch and Release!