11/8/2016 *ELECTION NIGHT* Cannot Compute


TRUMP: WHAT? I’m watching COPS.

PENCE: Call for you sir.

TRUMP: This better be Vince McMahon.

PENCE: It’s Clinton sir.

TRUMP: Uggghh. Fine….Yello?

CLINTON: Competitor Trump. I have called to mock you. You cannot stand before the CLINTONING. We are united and you are a shell of a human.

TRUMP: You’re mocking ME? Have you forgotten what I am? I’m a living meme. I’m a scratching post for cattiness. Have you seen my hair? I’m freaking ORANGE. I eat mockery like a PR taco in my tiny hands.

CLINTON: I…cannot compute your confidence. Your victory is mathematically impossible. I have the Latino vote. The female gender vote. The African American vote. The Millennial vote. The educated vote. The Jewish vote. The LGBT vote. The-

TRUMP: Yeah. Lots of votes. Great stuff. I’m feeling you. There’s one vote you don’t have.

CLINTON: Of which subpopulation do you speak?

TRUMP: The people that hate you vote.


TRUMP: Now get back in the kitchen (click)




TRUMP: What?

PENCE: I…think I just had an orgasm.

TRUMP: I’m an idiot sure. But I make it work for me.

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