PENCE: Phone for you sir.
TRUMP: You. Speak.
TRUMP: V-lad. ‘sup?
PUTIN: Syame old. You?
TRUMP: Not too good. I have these kids marching in the streets outside my tower. Don’t want me as their leader. Feel like Saruman in Return of the King. Nerd movie. Old guy. Hobbits or midgets or something. Anyway they were small.
PUTIN: Sounds fameeleear. LIke my Crimea. Many peeple deesagree with me in that place. Rebels.
TRUMP: How’d you handle it?
PUTIN: I put them down.
TRUMP: Tried that. Didn’t work. Insults, mocking. My superpower. Works individually, weaker in groups.
PUTIN: Nonono. I put them DOWN.
PUTIN: As een DOWN down.
TRUMP: Like Jersey contractor down?
TRUMP: Let me talk to the current boss, see if he can’t do something about it first.
PUTIN: Hee will be deeplomatic and week.
TRUMP: You still up for League of Legends on Friday?
PUTIN: Da. I’m playing as Poppy.
TRUMP: Ugggghh. Poppy. Weak early game. Can’t be aggressive until lvl 6, Need to master her dps and her escape. Can’t get super aggressive until late game.