TRUMP: Write this down.
PENCE: Oh no.
TRUMP: Happy New Year to all my enemies, who I will slowly hunt down and kill as our country is turned into a burning husk. Love!
PENCE: Might…be a little too passive aggressive sir.
TRUMP: Happy New Year to all my loser critics, who were beat harder than Ronda Rousey in that fight with the Mexican girl. Minorities climbing over that fence and beating up real Americans? Do not approve! Weak!
TRUMP: Uggghhhhh. You’re awful at this. Get me Don King.
KING: Don King is already here!
TRUMP: Gimme a Tweet. A backhanded New Years smack to my enemies.
KING: Don King Recommends you just say Happy New Year from your Next President Donald Trump! Truth hurts the most!
PENCE: That’s too ev-
KING: King out!
PENCE: Why do you keep him around here sir?
TRUMP: He’s an egotistical self promoter who cares about nothing other than advancing his own brand and that weird hairdo. He’s Blump. Black Trump. And I need a decoy.
PENCE: Once again, evil mixed with brilliant.
TRUMP: Not orange enough though. Need to fix that. Mix carrots in his scotch. BOOM. Science!