1/6/2017 – How’s It Hanging?

PENCE: Sir, your intelligence team is ready.

TRUMP: Uggghh fine. Let’s do this.

CIA: Thank you for meeting with us about the Russian hacking crisis sir.

FBI: Mr. Trump, we can’t be certain exactly where the online attacks came fro-

TRUMP: Hold up. Phone. You. Speak.

PUTIN: Hyello.

TRUMP: ‘sup Vlad? How’s it hanging?

PUTIN: Like eenformant’s neck in Gulag.


PUTIN: Aaaneevay, Paul Ryan has broken space bar on your keyboard.

TRUMP: That would explain why my tweets are so awful.

PUTIN: …sure. That ees also reason.

TRUMP: Got it. Gotta go, kind of busy. League of Legends match tomorrow?

PUTIN: I vill beet you like Ivan Drago in Ivan Drago I.

TRUMP: You mean Rocky IV.

PUTIN: There ees only von boxing moovee and eet ees Ivan Drago I. Moovee ends after Ivan beets Afreecan Amereecan man in flagshort. Proschay, dude.




TRUMP: That was Putin. On my phone. My personal phone.




TRUMP: Friends and family plan. Good business. Classy.




TRUMP: He’s listed as all my friends and family.




TRUMP: Hold up. Phone.

ASSANGE: Here’s some new DNC emails and they are everything! You won’t believe what Bernie Sanders said when the cameraman kept on filming! Al Gore was popular in the 90s and you won’t believe what he looks like now! Top 10 Clinton scandals, I almost died at #7!

TRUMP: I gotta take this.

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