TRUMP: Hoth hair, get in here!
TRUMP: Alternative facts? Really? What kind of press secretary says that?
PENCE: Yes sir, it’s abhorrent.
PENCE: It means really bad.
TRUMP: I knew that. Get Spicer in here.
PENCE: Here he is, sir.
TRUMP: Spicer! What the hell?
SPICER: “Spicer! What the hell?”
TRUMP: Wait, what’s going on here?
SPICER: “Wait, what’s going on here?”
PENCE: Sorry sir he’s in Speaker mode, just give me one second…there.
PENCE: DEAR GOD HELP ME SOMEONE FREE ME FROM THIS HELL I CAN’T
PENCE: Sorry, sir, I accessed his personality. He’s in Sycophant mode now.
SPICER: Good morning Mr. President! How may I be of service?
TRUMP: Alternative facts? What the hell?
SPICER: Alternative facts are great! They’re like facts, but slightly different!
TRUMP: No. Can’t do this. Unbigly. The people deserve better than this.
PENCE: Finally! Sir, I’m so happy to hear the press and the truth can-
TRUMP: We’re going to lie.
SPENCER: Can do!
TRUMP: But they’re not lies. Because they’re coming from me. So it’s totally cool.
SPENCER: The coolest!
TRUMP: So. You. Spicer. Keep doing whatever it is you do. But not what you do. No lies. Give them AlterniTrumps. Like lies, but classy.
SPICER: Can do!
TRUMP: You can go.
PENCE: Sir, I…don’t know about this.
TRUMP: You might be right.
PENCE: Oh good.
TRUMP: Should have gone with SubstiTrumps.
PENCE: Oh…not good.