PENCE: Mr. President, the Honorable (grumble) Neil Gorsuch (grumble) is here.
TRUMP: What’s with the mood?
PENCE: It’s…nothing sir
GORSUCH: Good afternoon Mr. Preside-
TRUMP: OH MY GOD.
PENCE: Here we go.
TRUMP: Your hair! It’s…MAGNIFICENT.
GORSUCH: Ah! Yes. Thank your sir. Just a little shampoo and conditioner really.
PENCE: …it’s not that good.
TRUMP: Not that good? Look at it! Majestic! Healthy. Refined. Stately. Bigly. A quality pelt. Like a king with a crown of follicles. Perfectly styled like a French whore.
GORSUCH: …Thank you?
TRUMP: The glow reminds me of the First Age when Mithril blades shone in the darkest mines of Belegost in Ered Luin…
GORSUCH: Um, right. Well…THANK you for the compliment but it may be best to move on and discuss our strategy on-
TRUMP: Why can’t you have hair like that, Pence?
PENCE: I like my hair!
TRUMP: Ugggghhh. Look at you. Like you lost a fight with Elmer’s glue. Not like Judge Dreamboat here.
PENCE: He’s not THAT handsome.
TRUMP: Man is gorgeous! Like Anthony Bourdain and Cameron from Ferris Beuller had a kid.
PENCE: That would be homosexuality and an abomination against nature sir.
TRUMP: Well that abomination is still better looking than you and has a majestic pelt on that dazzling head.
GORSUCH: So I’m just going to go and…prepare for the press, and….pray.
TRUMP: Sure, and while you’re at it leave some conditioner tips for Elmer here.
GORSUCH: Pray…a lot.