2/1/2017 – Majestic Pelt

PENCE: Mr. President, the Honorable (grumble) Neil Gorsuch (grumble) is here.

TRUMP: What’s with the mood?

PENCE: It’s…nothing sir

GORSUCH: Good afternoon Mr. Preside-


PENCE: Here we go.



GORSUCH: Ah! Yes. Thank your sir. Just a little shampoo and conditioner really.

PENCE: …it’s not that good.

TRUMP: Not that good? Look at it! Majestic! Healthy. Refined. Stately. Bigly. A quality pelt. Like a king with a crown of follicles. Perfectly styled like a French whore.

GORSUCH: …Thank you?

TRUMP: The glow reminds me of the First Age when Mithril blades shone in the darkest mines of Belegost in Ered Luin…



TRUMP: What?

GORSUCH: Um, right. Well…THANK you for the compliment but it may be best to move on and discuss our strategy on-

TRUMP: Why can’t you have hair like that, Pence?

PENCE: I like my hair!

TRUMP: Ugggghhh. Look at you. Like you lost a fight with Elmer’s glue. Not like Judge Dreamboat here.

PENCE: He’s not THAT handsome.

TRUMP: Man is gorgeous! Like Anthony Bourdain and Cameron from Ferris Beuller had a kid.

PENCE: That would be homosexuality and an abomination against nature sir.

TRUMP: Well that abomination is still better looking than you and has a majestic pelt on that dazzling head.

GORSUCH: So I’m just going to go and…prepare for the press, and….pray.

TRUMP: Sure, and while you’re at it leave some conditioner tips for Elmer here.

GORSUCH: Pray…a lot.

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