PENCE: Sir, Senator Chuck Schumer is here to protest Betsy DeVos’ confirmation.
TRUMP: Ugggghhhh. How many cameras did he bring now?
PENCE: All of them, sir.
SCHUMER: *Schumer enters, pause for studio audience applause* Good morning Mr. President! *Camera 1* How are you today?
TRUMP: Chuck. You. Speak. What brings you here other than free publicity?
SCHUMER: *Reaction shot Camera 2, close up* How COULD you, Mr. President? *Camera 1, pan to the left* DeVos is COMPLETELY unqualified to hold the position of Secretary of Education!
TRUMP: What makes you say that, Chuck, other than the polls? Hey Chuck! There’s a 2 point uptick on question 3! Quick, change your opinion!
PENCE: Felt that burn, sir!
TRUMP: Shut up, Pence. Nobody’s talking about Sanders.
SCHUMER: *Camera 3, aerial shot* She has NO education degree, NO experience as a teacher OR in the public education system, *begin closeup* her own kids NEVER attended a day of public school in their lives, she believes…*pull in, pull in, dramatic pause*…that teachers are…*dramatic pause*…UNDERPAID for what they do!! *Camera 1, closeup cue bass and cello*
TRUMP: Got it. Ok. Question time. One. Why do you have a cellist and bassist here?
TRUMP: Sure. Number two. She’s a billionaire so naturally she’s always right. But YOU’RE telling me a billionaire with absolutely no prior experience or qualifications shouldn’t hold a position of authority in government. This your bag?
SCHUMER: *Camera 1, Reaction take, wink to audience, cue audience laughter*
TRUMP: Dramatic pause. Got it. Like talking but more posing. Question three. The American education system is considered one of the worst in the world and we spend more on education than any other nation. We’re like the Cleveland Browns of education, except Brown is misspelled and it cost 600 billion, or as I call it 10 Trumps.
SCHUMER: *Camera 2, pull back, pull back…* So…what’s your point, sir?
TRUMP: How could we do worse? Might as well give her a shot. Worst case scenario is we stay the Browns.
SCHUMER: *Camera 1* It…COULD be worse, Mr. President.
TRUMP: Unpossible. How?
SCHUMER: The Jets.
TRUMP: Ok. Good point. But I’m still waiting to hear one reason why Betsy can’t-
PENCE: Sir, Secretary DeVos is here.
DeVOS: Mistr Prezident. I wanted two thank you four teh support. Your defintly going two make a diffrance four our country!
TRUMP: Let’s talk Deputy Secretary of Education.
SCHUMER: You got it! *Camera 1, play studio audience laughter and applause, theme music, credits*