2/10/2017 – De Exorcismis et Supplicationibus Quibusda

IVANKA: Look, Dad, I appreciate your support with Kellyanne Conway but I’m a grown woman and I can handle my own affairs.

TRUMP: Pfeh. You. Still my little girl. Like totally hot, solid 9, but still my little girl. Need to defend. Paternal!

IVANKA: We talked about this.

TRUMP: Pence, send in Kellyanne.

IVANKA: Ugh.

TRUMP: No, UGGGHHhhhh, from the diaphragm. Ah, Kelly.

CONWAY: Good morning Mr. President, I ran here as fast as I could in my Ivanka Trump®  Kuriel 2 sandals. Get them today at Zappos!

IVANKA: See this is what I’m talking about Dad. It’s nice but a little weird.

TRUMP: Wrong.

IVANKA: Dad! It IS a little weird!

CONWAY: As weird as the great deal on the Ivanka Trump® Three-Quarter-Sleeve Sheathe Dress selling like hotcakes at Lord & Taylor??

IVANKA: Ok, a LOT weird.

TRUMP: Not that. She’s schilling. Totally cool. Can respect. But that’s not what’s weird.

IVANKA: What then?

TRUMP: She’s losing weight. Like a lot. Even more then my socially acceptable hot standards. Starting to look like Skeletor with a blown out ‘do.

CONWAY: I ate human food yesterday I mean I’m on a diet.

TRUMP: Sure Kellyanne. Appreciate the-QUICK WHAT DID YOU EAT FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT???

CONWAY: THE SOULS OF TWO MILLENNIAL LIBERALSSSSSS

TRUMP:

IVANKA:

CONWAY:

TRUMP:

IVANKA:

CONWAY: America!

TRUMP: Already knew about this, Vonks.

IVANKA: So how come you didn’t say anything?

TRUMP: Rich businessman growing up in New York? These are my usual working conversations. Results!

IVANKA: Got it. I’ll call the coven from sacred grove seven and perform the exorcism myself. Kellyanne, eat this garlic clove and read page 44 of De Exorcismis et Supplicationibus Quibusdam.

TRUMP: How’d you learn all that?

IVANKA: Rich attractive girl growing up around rich businessmen in New York? These are my usual weekend conversations. Results!

TRUMP: Boom!

IVANKA: Boom!

CONWAY: HSSSS! I mean Boom!

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