IVANKA: Dad, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe is ready to leave.
TRUMP: Good times. Great golf game. Mentioned North Korea a lot. Told him I don’t like kung pao chicken. Monosodium glutamate. Health!
IVANKA: Best…not to mention that to him.
ABE: Mr. President! I would like to express my gratitude for your hospitality. It was an honor to-
TRUMP: NI! HAO! ABE!
ABE: Aiiie zakennayo.
TRUMP: YOUR! NAME! SAME! AS! ABE! LINCOLN! YOU! ARE! LIKE! HIM! BUT! MORE! ASIAN! AND! SHORT!
ABE: I will…consider that a compliment. You can stop shaking my hand now.
TRUMP: TWO! ABES! BUT! DIFFERENT! NO! CIVIL! WAR! IN! JAPAN!
ABE: Actually, Nippon has survived hundreds of years of civil-
TRUMP: STILL! WAITING! FOR! YOU! TO! GIVE! ME! PHONE! NUMBER! TO! MICHELLE! YEOH! SOLID! 8! WOULD! DATE!
ABE: I…believe she is from Malaysia and I do not have…and we’re still hand shaking.
TRUMP: WHAT’S! WITH! THE! ABACUS! USE! CALCULATOR! THE! BEST!
ABE: I will try to remember..ah the hand pat now.
IVANKA: Chichi o yurushitekudasai. Kare wa hijō ni orokadesuga, kare wa doryoku shite imasu.
ABE: Moshi kare ga watashi no te o furiotoseba, Nihon no subete no Ajia no josei ni kare o yurushite, kare ni sono bangō o watashite kudasai!
TRUMP: REMEMBER! SUSHI! USE! STOVE! STOOOOVE!
ABE: There is no bullet train fast enough to escape this.