PENCE: Sir, did you watch the Grammys?
TRUMP: No. Not happening. No Springsteen cover bands so not interested. If I want to listen to people complain about me I’ll turn on any channel anywhere at anytime.
PENCE: No, it’s good news! You’re down to just 4 hate speeches per awards show.
TRUMP: That’s 1.7 Meryl Streeps. Good ratio. Can respect.
PENCE: And then there was The Trump Dress!
TRUMP: Ivanka. Problems solved. I knew Vonks could pull through. Attire: classy. Who wore her dress?
PENCE: No, I’m talking about, um, your dress. Sir. Worn by a Ms. Joy Villa. She wore a Pro-Trump dress that said “Make America Great Again.”
TRUMP: Joy Villa. Can appreciate. Great artist. No idea who she is but very talented. Respect! One question.
PENCE: Of course, sir!
TRUMP: Is she hot?
TRUMP: Need to know. For research.
PENCE: She’s a…model. She…looked lovely in her dress. Um, your dress.
TRUMP: Boom. Photo op. Set it up.
PENCE: There are a couple of yellow flags.
TRUMP: I need stars. Can’t be too bad.
PENCE: She’s a Scientologist.
PENCE: And a vegan.
PENCE: She’s a multiracial feminist.
TRUMP: …I didn’t know they were allowed to like me. Can work with that.
PENCE: She appeared in something called “Hobgoblins 2”
TRUMP: Direct to DVD sequel. Written and directed by Rick Sloane in 1988. Takes place after the original film.
PENCE: I…really wish your foreign policy acumen was on par with your teen 80s horror movie knowledge.
TRUMP: Let’s get Villa in for a meet and greet. Possible cabinet position. Definite photo op. Use Matt Berger.
PENCE: Who is-
TRUMP: Cinematographer. Hobgoblins 2.