2/14/2017 – UnTrumply

PENCE: Sir, Mike Flynn is here to resign as national security adviser.

TRUMP: Nobody gets to resign. They’re prefired and deTrumped. But sure.

FLYNN: Good morning sir.

TRUMP: Flynn. You. Good to see. Except not good. Broke trust. Not good. Very unTrumply.

FLYNN: I understand sir.

TRUMP: I do too.

FLYNN: You…do?

TRUMP: Partially. Giving incomplete information. Ungood. That’s just a partial lie. But not wanting to talk to Pence, totally understand. Tedious. Painful. Mind-numbingly fatiguing.

PENCE: I’m right here.

TRUMP: Like trying to have a conversation with sleet. Really boring sleet with a shallow personality.

PENCE: I’ll just wait outside…

FLYNN: So…again, Mr. President, I apologize for talking to the Russian ambassador and breaking your trust. Please consider this my resignation.

TRUMP: I’ll consider it your prefiring. Talking to Russia is inexcusable. Can’t..hold on. Phone. Have to take this.

PUTIN: Hyello.

TRUMP: Vlad! What’s up!

PUTIN: My approval ratings according to government backed media.


PUTIN: Leesten. Ve need to deescuss North Korea. Keem Jioong Un ees acting all crazy vis ze threats. He is punching above hees veight class. Hee theenks he ees Ivan Drago but ees more Yakov Smirnoff.

TRUMP: Got it. Also love the obscure 80s comedy reference. Pick a public place and we’ll talk. You up for League of Legends tomorrow?

PUTIN: Da. First League, then to deescuss private plans publicly. Proshchay.



TRUMP: That was Putin. On my phone. My personal phone.


TRUMP: Speak to him regularly. Like, all the time.

FLYNN: How…is that-

TRUMP: Trump rules. Boom.

FLYNN: But…that’s still not-

TRUMP: I believe I Boomed. No more to say.

FLYNN: I’ll just go talk to Vice President Pence then.

TRUMP: Cool. Tell him I’m taking calls in Times Square tomorrow. 

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