2/15/2017 – Third Base

PENCE: Sir, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is here.

TRUMP: Netanwho?

PENCE: Netanyahu

TRUMP: He’s up first

PENCE: Netanyahu is up first

TRUMP: Who are we meeting with second?

PENCE: Xi Jin Ping is up second.

TRUMP: Ping’s up second. And the Canadian guy was…

PENCE: That’s Trudeau.

TRUMP: Third base!




TRUMP: You. No personality. Comedy brain like the color beige.

PENCE: I’ll leave you two alone.

NETANYAHU: President Trump. A pleasure to-

TRUMP: You. Hu. Incredible. The best.

NETANYAHU: The…best at…

TRUMP: Being Jewish. Me. From New York. Jews there. Lots of Jews. Good people. The best. Bigly. But you. Hu. Jew. PM of Israel. You’re like the Jewiest Jew who ever Jewed a Jew. My man Hu the Jew.

NETANYAHU: I…literally have no idea to what extent I should be offended at the moment. But I heard it’s best to grade you on an extreme curve.

TRUMP: Ok. Time for business. I heard-

NETANYAHU: Please don’t make a comment about Jewish people and their propensity for doing business.




NETANYAHU: I understand this must be difficult for you.

TRUMP: Thanks. SO. Have an idea for protecting Israel. Good idea. The best. Classy. Surprised O’bombs couldn’t consider. Low energy.

NETANYAHU: You will continue to provide support to Israel both financially, militarily, and through other means?

TRUMP: Better. You. Change last name to Total Yahoo. Netanyahu. Sounds like you’re not crazy. In a region where you’re like an island in a sea of crazy. Go with Benny Totalyahoo. You’ll be the Chad Ochocino of the Middle East.


TRUMP: Respect!

NETANYAHU: If…it’s all the same to you I believe our people would prefer the money and military, thank you.

TRUMP: Ugggh. You. No fun. Quick question.

NETANYAHU: Please ask.

TRUMP: Ever heard of Laurel and Hardy?

NETANYAHU: Netanyahu’s on first?

TRUMP: I knew I could work with you.

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