2/17/2017 – Neutral Salutations

PENCE: Sir. Hillary Clinton is here by hologram.

TRUMP: Ugghh. It’s going to be one of those days. FINE.

CLINTON: [Neutral Salutations] – Embattled American President Trump. I greet you.


CLINTON: [Humorous yet scathing personal attack] – I note that you still resemble the King of all things Cheetos related.

TRUMP: And you’re still dressed like an intergalactic Bond villain.

CLINTON: WHO TOLD…Ah. Humor. I’ve been informed of this……Ha-ha. 

TRUMP: You. Space Pope. What’s your deal?

CLINTON: [Political posturing] – I am here to urge you on behalf of the American people to “come clean” with your dealings with Vladimir Putin. Any potential connections you have with the Kremlin must become public knowledge.


CLINTON: [Confusion] – No? I cannot process this response. Please elaborate.

TRUMP: First of all, I’m President so I get to keep secrets. The ones that say they have nothing to hide are hiding the most. Government is like doing business in New York but with cheaper suits. Exhibit A: Ever heard of Area 51?

CLINTON: I’m familiar with it.

TRUMP: Boom. Second, I am not taking any advice from someone who puts up their hands to do air quotes when they say “come clean”

CLINTON: [Defensive reply] – It is a legitimate human gesture.

TRUMP: Third, what’s that on the floor over there? Behind the stack of Tony Robbins books?

CLINTON:  ….just some uranium.


CLINTON: [Awkward silence]


CLINTON: [Awkward silence]

TRUMP: I can wait.

CLINTON: [Convenient excuse] – I must cease this communication. There is a “thing” that I need to attend to.

TRUMP: Again with the air quotes. Let’s chat again when your focus group tells you how to feel. 

PENCE: …sir…Mr. President…I…

TRUMP: What with you now? Face is turning all red. Might mix with the white hair. Could turn orange. Healthy!

PENCE: That was…brilliant! I don’t know what to say!

TRUMP: Trump brain. Broken clock. Nails it twice a day. Usually right about what time Charles in Charge is on. Scott Baio. Brilliant actor. Dated half the cast of Baywatch. Can respect!

PENCE: …aaand we’re back. 

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