PENCE: Phone for you sir. It’s President Obama.
TRUMP: No. Nada. He’s O’Bombs now. No longer President. Can’t title up!
PENCE: Well…HE’s on the phone. Do you want me in here?
TRUMP: Never. You. Out. You. Phone. Speak.
OBAMA: Good morning, Mr. President. Happy Presidents Da-
TRUMP: No. You. Wrong. Not Presidents Day. Trump Day. Technically every day is Trump Day but today is Trumpiest of Trump Days. Accuracy!
OBAMA: ….riiight. Listen, uh, Donald, see, every Presidents…or whatever you call it…Day, the Presidential Mirror comes to life. It’s the wall fixture over there to your right. Once a year it allows you to commune with the spirits of Presidents past. Now I don’t exactly know how it works but the instructions are a little complex. You might want to take notes or-
TRUMP: You. Mirror. Go.
OBAMA: How…wait, how did-
TRUMP: Got the business one. Talk to Rockefeller with it. Worst business advice ever. Always do the opposite. Bizzaro!
OBAMA: Well…OK then. Now you only get to select one President a year. In the past I’ve spoken to Jefferson, Kennedy, Lincoln…and they each had a lot of unique yet very profound insights that I brought to my-
TRUMP: Taft. You. Go.
TAFT: Trump. You. President. Huge!
TRUMP: Taft. You. Former President. Huge!
TAFT: You. Keeping foreigners out, putting America first. Won’t bother with any other countries. Like my enforcement of Monroe Doctrine. Bigly!
TRUMP: You. Six appointments to Supreme Court. Like rebuilding the Cleveland Browns with entire first round of the draft. Can respect!
TAFT: Had to follow Teddy Roosevelt. Huge environmentalist. All about national parks. Uggghh!!
TRUMP: Ugggghhhh! I know. Environmentalists! The worst!
TAFT: Only thing worse is the press. Press loved Teddy. Like peas in a pod. Hate me. No respect!
TRUMP: Agreed! No respect! News all fake! Weak! Loved the last guy, but not me. Agenda!
OBAMA: ….Ok this is making a little more sense now.
TRUMP: So it’s true you had to replace the bathtub in the White House?
TAFT: True! But not because I’m HUGE. Smaller bathtub not classy. Can’t respect!
TRUMP: Can’t respect! Presidents don’t get fat they get Bigly. Mass appeal! HUGE!
OBAMA: OK this is making a LOT more sense now.