2/20/2017 – Presidential Mirror

PENCE: Phone for you sir. It’s President Obama. 

TRUMP: No. Nada. He’s O’Bombs now. No longer President. Can’t title up!

PENCE: Well…HE’s on the phone. Do you want me in here? 

TRUMP: Never. You. Out. You. Phone. Speak. 

OBAMA: Good morning, Mr. President. Happy Presidents Da-

TRUMP: No. You. Wrong. Not Presidents Day. Trump Day. Technically every day is Trump Day but today is Trumpiest of Trump Days. Accuracy!

OBAMA: ….riiight. Listen, uh, Donald, see, every Presidents…or whatever you call it…Day, the Presidential Mirror comes to life. It’s the wall fixture over there to your right. Once a year it allows you to commune with the spirits of Presidents past. Now I don’t exactly know how it works but the instructions are a little complex. You might want to take notes or-

TRUMP: You. Mirror. Go.

OBAMA: How…wait, how did-

TRUMP: Got the business one. Talk to Rockefeller with it. Worst business advice ever. Always do the opposite. Bizzaro!

OBAMA: Well…OK then. Now you only get to select one President a year. In the past I’ve spoken to Jefferson, Kennedy, Lincoln…and they each had a lot of unique yet very profound insights that I brought to my-

TRUMP: Taft. You. Go.

OBAMA: Taft?

TAFT: Trump. You. President. Huge! 

TRUMP: Taft. You. Former President. Huge!

TAFT: You. Keeping foreigners out, putting America first. Won’t bother with any other countries. Like my enforcement of Monroe Doctrine. Bigly! 

TRUMP: You. Six appointments to Supreme Court. Like rebuilding the Cleveland Browns with entire first round of the draft. Can respect!

TAFT: Had to follow Teddy Roosevelt. Huge environmentalist. All about national parks. Uggghh!!

TRUMP: Ugggghhhh! I know. Environmentalists! The worst! 

TAFT: Only thing worse is the press. Press loved Teddy. Like peas in a pod. Hate me. No respect!

TRUMP: Agreed! No respect! News all fake! Weak! Loved the last guy, but not me. Agenda!

OBAMA: ….Ok this is making a little more sense now. 

TRUMP: So it’s true you had to replace the bathtub in the White House? 

TAFT: True! But not because I’m HUGE. Smaller bathtub not classy. Can’t respect!

TRUMP: Can’t respect! Presidents don’t get fat they get Bigly. Mass appeal! HUGE!

TAFT: HUUGE!

TRUMP: HUUUUUGE!!

OBAMA: OK this is making a LOT more sense now. 

 

 

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