TRUMP: Why is my phone ringing? What’s going on? You. Phone. Speak!
SWEDEN: Help! The meatballs are attacking!
TRUMP: Not good. Blame ISIS. Bad weapons. Low energy!
JAPAN: President Trump! Help! Godzilla is stomping around Tokyo!
TRUMP: Ungood! Godzilla! No respect for high rise towers. Real estate. Foundation of Trumpconomy. Profits!
ITALY: Signor Trump! Help! There are to many Goombas! Mario and Luigi can’t beat them by themselves! Itsa no good!
TRUMP: Italy! Need to help the boot country! Promise to sell Ivanka’s shoes, then we’ll intervene. Dealmaking!
CHINA: Premier Trump! We will not ask for help, but we could use your assistance helping to rebuild our Great Wall.
TRUMP: Uggghh. More like Ungreat Wall! Couldn’t keep out Mongolians. Trump wall will keep out all Mexicans. Except the hot ones. Can admit!
GREECE: King Trump, help! The Persians are attacking!
TRUMP: Please. Send 300 Navy Seals to Thermopylae. Defense!
BANNON: Damn. He’s good at this.
PENCE: Do you think he knows we’re on the other line?
BANNON: I’m just shocked he thinks the entire world is all on the same phone trying to call him.
PENCE: I’m not.
BANNON: Good point. Do another one.
AUSTRALIA: Help! Crocodile Dundee is in a coma!
TRUMP: Give him a vegemite sandwich IV and call me in the morning. Nutrients!