2/24/2017 – Pick a Card

TRUMP: Ok Vonks we’re all here. What’s up? 

IVANKA: Dad, witches from around the world are planning to cast a spell of binding today. We can’t let that happen!

TRUMP: Witches. Good people. Slightly nuts, but appreciate. Need to work on broom technology. Lazy!

IVANKA: According to Chapter 4 of the Malleus Maleficarum, to counter a world binding spell we need to draw a barrier circle on the ground. 

TRUMP: That explains the rug stains. I thought Eric found the crayons. 

IVANKA: Ok, now standing around the circle we need a troll… 

BANNON: On it. 

IVANKA: …a demonspawn…

CONWAY: HOW DID YOU that is I’ll stand in I guess.

IVANKA: …a silver owl…

TRUMP: Mitch. You. Over there. 

MCCONNELL: WHO said I look like an owl? WHO? 

IVANKA: …a winter hare…

TRUMP: Pence. On that side. Winter hair. Close enough. 

IVANKA: …and an ice queen…

TRUMP: We’re one short. Hillary will never do this. Not good. Not enough time to call Coulter.

IVANKA: Oh no it’s too late! I feel the aether parting! It’s cast!  

TRUMP: Boom. 

IVANKA: …and…nothing happened? 

TRUMP: Not surprised. Had so many witch hunts against me at this point I have an immune system to magic. Doesn’t work on me anymore. Antibodies! 

IVANKA: Dad, that’s kind of impossible. 

TRUMP: C’mon Vonks. Bannon do the card thing. 

BANNON: Ok, Mr. President, pick a card any card. 

TRUMP: They’re all Ace of Spades. 

BANNON: Damn it!

TRUMP: Spades. Dumbest suit in the deck. Clubs. Good suit. Especially if combined with Diamonds. Classy!

ERIC: Dad, have you seen my crayons? 

 

 

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