3/8/2017 – No Lena Dunham

PENCE: Mr. President, you might want to know that Wikileaks-

TRUMP: Wikileaks. Great people. No idea what a Wiki is or why it’s leaking but still great. Respect. Assange. The best. Classy person. Only wants to reveal the truth. Full Disclosure!

PENCE: Well even though you’re President now, sir, he’s still releasing more information and it’s making us look bad. 

TRUMP: Wikileaks. Awful people. Name makes no sense. No respect. Assange. The worst. Horrible person. Only wants to break secrets. Broken security!

PENCE: Well, security might actually be better than you realize sir. 

TRUMP: You. Glacier head. Elaborate. 

PENCE: Well, sir, it turns out the CIA is capable of hacking Smart TVs and turning them into listening devices. 

TRUMP: Pfeh. Smart TV. Oxymoron. If TV was smart there’d be no Lena Dunham on it. Or Vanderpump rules. Or anything Kardashian. Or fake news. Should be nothing but 24 hours of The Apprentice. But not the Schwarzenegger season. Arnold. Successful multimillionaire businessman but not billionaire. Therefore only partial success. Needs to commit!

PENCE: …be that as it may, sir. It still makes the CIA appear omnipresent. 




PENCE: It means they’re always around. 

TRUMP: Knew that. But not true. CIA can’t hear everything I say. 

CIA: Yes we can. 


PENCE: Your…phone sir.

TRUMP: You. phone. Speak. 

ASSANGE: Top 10 CIA scandals of all time! Dick Cheney was Vice President but you won’t believe what he looks like now! Hillary Clinton was shopping for apples and what she did next is everything! Forget ISIS, you won’t believe what these 8 terrorists are wearing.  I was floored at #6! 

TRUMP: I have to take this. 


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