3/9/2017 – Needs Hotter Nurses

PENCE: Mr. President, Speaker Ryan is here to pick up your new healthcare plan.

RYAN: Good morning Mr. President! Just finished my breakfast smoothie, jogged over here, can’t wait to check out the new plan!

TRUMP: Done. Ready to go. Easy!

RYAN: Awesome! I’m totally jacked to give this to congress. Jacked!

TRUMP: Here. Check it out. The best! 


TRUMP: What?

RYAN: Sir, this is…the summary for the Affordable Care Act with the word “TRUMP’S” at the top. And at the bottom it says “Trumpbamacare. Classy!” 

TRUMP: Done. Easy. Turns out healthcare’s not complicated. Can fix!

RYAN: Mr. President…maybe it’s the protein shake talking, but you can’t just take Obamacare and make it your own. 

TRUMP: Didn’t. Changed it to Trumpbama care. Like Obamacare but classier. Biglier. Therefore better. Health!

RYAN: Ok, um, sir, I’m flipping through this and you basically just put the word “NO” on most of the pages. 

TRUMP: Not true. Also added “Ok for rich folks”, “Needs hotter nurses”, “Gold syringes”, and “Skip the new phone”. Wasteful!

RYAN: …And you’ve added a 900 page addendum on complete coverage for hair replacement therapy. I can barely curl this!

TRUMP: The hair thing’s for other people. Totally not for me. Don’t need. Natural mane!

RYAN: Sir I can’t present this to Congress without some serious revisions. 

TRUMP: Uggghhhh. FINE. Will revise. Gimme.

RYAN: Thank you sir. So let’s set a timetable to determine when the revisions can-

TRUMP: Done. 

RYAN: Done?

TRUMP: Take a look. Boom.

RYAN: You…crossed out the “bama” and named it “Trumpcare”. 

TRUMP: Boom.



RYAN: Why don’t I just…take this and…make some notes. 

TRUMP: Sure. Knock yourself out. Probably going to do that at your boxrobics class anyway. 

RYAN: Riiight. I’ll get started on….this. Good day sir.

PENCE: Sir, I know I’ll regret asking but…why?

TRUMP: Delegation. Stress reliever. The best!

PENCE: That…almost makes sense. And that’s what’s scaring me. 

TRUMP: Fear therapy. Not covered. Don’t buy a phone. 



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