BANNON: Mr. President, FBI Director James Comey has returned.
TRUMP: Bigly. Bring him in here.
BANNON: Right away sir.
TRUMP: Comey. Welcome.
COMEY: Nah ah! Totally not welcome!
TRUMP: Ok. So we’re still doing the totally disagree thing. Can respect.
COMEY: Not ok! Can’t respect!
TRUMP: Got it.
COMEY: No you don’t!
TRUMP: So. Comey. What’s with the bug? In my Tower? Trump Tower. In New York. Have many Trump towers but that’s THE Tower. The Trumpiest Trump Tower to ever tower a tower. The Best!
COMEY: There’s no bug. No idea what you’re talking about.
TRUMP: It was just released that you had a wiretap in my building for 2 years.
COMEY: Oh, THAT. That’s not a bug. That’s a strategic covert remote audio transmission and recording device.
TRUMP: Bug.
COMEY: Sir, if there’s any bugs in your Tower it’s the ones that are there because you refused to pay the exterminators.
TRUMP: Ouch. Felt the burn. Uggghhh, now the phone’s going to-
BANNON: Phone for you sir.
TRUMP: Go ahead, Bernie.
SANDERS: STOP USING MY CATCH PHRASE!
TRUMP: Won’t happen again. Bye. So. You. Comey-over. Why the listening thing in my tower? Proves I was right.
COMEY: Nope! Proves you were WRONG! That was two years before you even announced your candidacy!
TRUMP: And you didn’t just happen to leave it on?
COMEY: Of course not. God, you’re like a wrong machine, just cranking out all the wrong.
TRUMP: Ok. Can respect. Can also respect you calling me God. Accurate!
COMEY: Inaccurate!
TRUMP: By the way. Here. You forgot this when you were here a couple of days ago.
COMEY: What’s that?
TRUMP: It’s your cell phone. Somehow it just happened to be shoved in the corner. And it’s been coincidentally using a recording app for, let me see…yup. Two days.
COMEY:
TRUMP:
COMEY:
TRUMP: Boom. Feel THAT burn. UUUGGGHHHH!
BANNON: Phone for you sir.