TRUMP: OK. New plan.
PENCE: Dear Lord.
BANNON: Let’s hear him out.
TRUMP: You know how everyone is complaining about my alleged ties with Russia, right?
PENCE: Sure.
BANNON: We may have heard a thing or two.
TRUMP: Which is totally not true.
PENCE: No. Of course not sir.
BANNON: Even though Vladimir Putin is on your speed dial.
TRUMP: Button 1. Vince McMahon is 2. Melania 3.
PENCE: And when he calls you on your personal phone you stop whatever it is your doing.
TRUMP: But only to be polite. Manners!
PENCE: But other than that no connections.
TRUMP: None.
BANNON: So….what is this new-
TRUMP: Open investigation of Russia ties to Clinton.
PENCE:
BANNON:
TRUMP: Boomski. Tremendous.
PENCE: Sir…I mean…how does that-
TRUMP: Shows she’s dirty. Which come on, is like calling dirt dirty. Corrupt Hillary! Named her that, so it must be true.
BANNON: But how does that help-
TRUMP: Second, I have evidence. Strong evidence that Clinton and her husband Bob-
BANNON: Bill
TRUMP: -had regular communications with the Russian government for eight years.
PENCE: Please don’t say-
TRUMP: From January 1993 to January 2001.
PENCE: -and there it is.
TRUMP: Guilty!
BANNON: Sir, if I may, two things. First, I don’t think you can use diplomatic negotiations during President BILL Clinton’s presidency as proof of corrupt dealings with Russia.
TRUMP: Beg to differ. Scratch that. I don’t beg. Demand to differ.
BANNON: Second, how does throwing dirt-
TRUMP: More dirt. Clinton corrupt, already dirty.
BANNON: -MORE dirt actually clear your name? For example, if word got out that Clinton, say, shot a puppy, it wouldn’t make you shooting a puppy any less egregious.
TRUMP:
BANNON:
PENCE:
TRUMP: Ok, new plan.
BANNON: I’m glad that you could see my-
TRUMP: Leak to press Clinton shot a puppy.
BANNON: Oh for the love of-
TRUMP: Make sure it’s a shitzu. Want to watch fake media struggle with reporting the story without laughing.
PENCE: Oh they’ll be laughing sir.
