TRUMP: OK. New plan. 

PENCE: Dear Lord. 

BANNON: Let’s hear him out. 

TRUMP: You know how everyone is complaining about my alleged ties with Russia, right? 

PENCE: Sure. 

BANNON: We may have heard a thing or two. 

TRUMP: Which is totally not true. 

PENCE: No. Of course not sir. 

BANNON: Even though Vladimir Putin is on your speed dial.

TRUMP: Button 1. Vince McMahon is 2. Melania 3.  

PENCE: And when he calls you on your personal phone you stop whatever it is your doing. 

TRUMP: But only to be polite. Manners!

PENCE: But other than that no connections. 

TRUMP: None. 

BANNON: So….what is this new-

TRUMP: Open investigation of Russia ties to Clinton. 

PENCE:

BANNON:

TRUMP: Boomski. Tremendous. 

PENCE: Sir…I mean…how does that-

TRUMP: Shows she’s dirty. Which come on, is like calling dirt dirty. Corrupt Hillary! Named her that, so it must be true. 

BANNON: But how does that help-

TRUMP: Second, I have evidence. Strong evidence that Clinton and her husband Bob-

BANNON: Bill

TRUMP: -had regular communications with the Russian government for eight years. 

PENCE: Please don’t say-

TRUMP: From January 1993 to January 2001.

PENCE: -and there it is. 

TRUMP: Guilty! 

BANNON: Sir, if I may, two things. First, I don’t think you can use diplomatic negotiations during President BILL Clinton’s presidency as proof of corrupt dealings with Russia. 

TRUMP: Beg to differ. Scratch that. I don’t beg. Demand to differ.

BANNON: Second, how does throwing dirt-

TRUMP: More dirt. Clinton corrupt, already dirty.

BANNON: -MORE dirt actually clear your name? For example, if word got out that Clinton, say, shot a puppy, it wouldn’t make you shooting a puppy any less egregious.

TRUMP:

BANNON:

PENCE:

TRUMP: Ok, new plan.

BANNON: I’m glad that you could see my-

TRUMP: Leak to press Clinton shot a puppy.

BANNON: Oh for the love of-

TRUMP: Make sure it’s a shitzu. Want to watch fake media struggle with reporting the story without laughing.

PENCE: Oh they’ll be laughing sir.