3/29/2017 – Oafish Male Counterpart

CLINTON: Greetings husband Bill Clinton. 

BILL: Hey. 

CLINTON: Pardon me for 8.744 seconds while I process reactions to my conveniently timed public speech.

BILL: Yeah. About that Hil, it was pretty good I guess. 

CLINTON: You are incorrect legal spousemate Bill. I walked through the forests of your American wildlife forest to project an air of reserved contemplation, then conveniently emerged from the woods to project an air of mystery surrounding my voluntary absence from the media spotlight. 

BILL: Yup, we took a few walks in the woods outside. 

CLINTON: I then replaced my intergalactic spacepope business suit for a leather jacket at a Liberal stronghold known as San Francisco to show I am both trendy but harbor a slight “edge” according to your human Earthslang.

BILL: You’re from Arkansas. Leather is the norm.

CLINTON: Incorrect. I am from the New York district of your Earthplanet. Sector 9.

BILL: Sure, whatevs.

CLINTON: My speech then was timed to be delivered exactly at the time of the most recent failure of your President-Emperor Trump to gloat in his defeat and create a loose association that I was somewhat responsible for this success of the “common people.”

BILL: You don’t need to do air quotes.

CLINTON: My carefully prepared spontaneous jokes that were targeted to appeal to all Democratic voting demographics were then delivered to the scientifically selected audience followed by a comedic pause and a witty human smile that I’ve been practicing for 4 months.

BILL: You told some jokes. So…Hill…um…

CLINTON: Yes, oafish male counterpart?

BILL: What’s the endgame here? I get the whole “taking a jab at Trump while he’s down” thing, I mean there’s never been an easier target and he practically begs for it, but what are you going for? 

CLINTON: Your open-ended question is illogical and unfocused. Please reprocess and redeliver. 

BILL: I mean the Clinton foundation conveniently shut down right after the election, so you’re not busy there, these walks are nice I guess but come on they’re getting kind of boring, and you keep staring at Aidan and Charlotte like you’re trying to determine how you can grab the grandkid demographic. 

CLINTON: Old enough to poop, old enough to vote on Rylak-7. 

BILL: So I guess what I’m asking is, are you retired or not? You gave the whole Presidential run thing a good try but I would like to know what my life is going to be like for the next 4 years?

CLINTON: Counterquestion: are you planning the visitation schedules of your mistresses and trying to coordinate with my absences from this domicile? 

BILL: No. 

CLINTON: I will now give you the skeptical and slightly emasculating human female wife-gaze. 



BILL: Damn it, yes. 

CLINTON: Never underestimate the power of women on Earth, Bill, or in the rest of this quadrant of the galaxy for that matter.

BILL: I liked it better when you let your exoskeleton show. It was kinky.


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