PENCE: How long has he been like that? Just staring straight ahead. It’s creepy.
BANNON: Since last night when he ordered the Tomahawk missile strike against Syria.
PENCE: We should-
BANNON: Mr. President are you-
PENCE: Sir? Do you need-
BANNON: Uh oh.
TRUMP: Tremendous! Bigly! HUUUUUGEEE! Beyond tremendous! It was…
PENCE: Here it comes…
BANNON: …and there it is.
PENCE: Mr. President we need to craft a follow up statement this morning on-
TRUMP: Did you see that? Syria. Being bad. Not Russia bad but bad bad. Kids dying. Don’t like. I made kids too. Trump kids, so better, but still can sympathize with loser poor kids. Empathy!
BANNON: The diplomatic-
TRUMP: So I pick up phone. Order missile strike. No. A 59 MISSILE STRIKE. And it’s delivered to Syria like a pizza. But an exploding pizza. Followed by 58 other exploding pizzas. Boom. But real Boom, not just word Boom. Last time I had an exploding pizza was when I had pineapple and anchovies on a slice. Camped out in the Trump bathroom in Mar a Lago that day. Incontinence!
PENCE: Mr. President, I…understand how you can appreciate the use of your extensive military authority-
TRUMP: You. Pence. Two things. One. The only thing you appreciate is that Clorox shampoo you use. Look at that head. Like a colorless void of bland up there. So bland. The worst. Two. Why didn’t you tell me I had a magical phone that can blow things up?
PENCE: I…believe we covered this in your briefing.
TRUMP: Pfffeh. Like I paid attention to that. This is amazing! Better than Twitter! Like sending tweets that explode. Need to do this again. All the time.
BANNON: I think we created a monster.
TRUMP: I think the old Trump junk is getting stiff. Call it the Trumpedo. Like a Tomahawk missile but far more powerful. Payload!
BANNON: Duly noted, sir. Also…ew.
TRUMP: Should launch Trumpedo against Syria. Would wreak havoc but break Geneva convention. A weapon of Trump destruction. Penis! So strong. Tremendous. The best.
PENCE: So this is what I went to college for.
TRUMP: Note to self. Use Trumpedo for humanitarian purposes only.
BANNON: Sir about that statement-
TRUMP: Hello? Military? New target. Rosie O’Donnell. Need convenient explosion to happen. Collateral damage of obesity. Fatsplosion!
BANNON: We’re doomed.
PENCE: Relax Bannon, I replaced it with a Hasbro toy phone.
TRUMP: You. Pence. Why does the cow keep telling me it goes “Moo”? Need to fire cow immediately. Promote pig.