4/9/2017 – Blumptastic

PENCE: Mr. President? Sir? Where is-

BANNON: He left a note. “Off to Mar a Lago. Great place. The best. Absolutely tremendous. So good. Back on Friday. You. Winter scalp. Forgot your name. You’re in charge. Except for replacement. Have fun. Don’t bomb anything I wouldn’t. That’s not a long list. -T”

PENCE: Jesus Christ. 

BANNON: No need to swear.

PENCE: I was actually talking to our Lord and Savior. We speak all the time you know. 

BANNON: Oh. You’re one of those. Got it. 

PENCE: How could he leave at a time like this? Syria is launching new strikes in defiance, Putin is livid, China feels emasculated and may need to flex its military muscle, ISIS is-

BANNON: So you’re saying we need him to do something.

PENCE: Dear Lord no. Just someone to take the blame.

BANNON: There’s always Spicer.

PENCE: Works for me.

BANNON: Wait, there’s another page. “Since I can’t trust either of you mental giants with the job. I’ve already called a Trump substitute. A Trumpitute.”


TRUMP: “Got Blump. Don King. Like Trump but black. Therefore Blump. Just the best. So good. Tremendous, but slightly less amazing hair. Still good. Blumptastic!”


BLUMP: BLUMP is already here!

PENCE: I can’t deal.

BLUMP: Lucky for you BLUMP’S in charge! Now get BLUMP a tax plan, two lobbyists and some gin. BLUMP is going to work off his rump, drop a health care plan with a thump, and take down some Syrian chumps, you dig?

BANNON: Got to admit, it’s hard to tell the difference.

PENCE: Actually he might be slightly better. 

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