4/18/2017 – The xXx Strategy

BANNON: Great news, Mr. President!

TRUMP: Already know. Fast and Furious 8. Is out. Must watch!

BANNON: 

TRUMP: Can’t decide if I prefer fast or furious. Depends on mood. Vin Diesel. Looks like a baby pitbull got hit with an ugly testosterone stick, but the man can act. Monotone!

BANNON: I…was referring to your approval rating sir. 

TRUMP: Ugggghhhhh. If you say something with “teen” attached to it I’ll have you sent to Syria on the next diplomatic missile.

BANNON: You’re at 50%!

TRUMP:

BANNON:

TRUMP:

BANNON: So that’s good!

TRUMP: Ungood.

BANNON: Why ungoo..er…not acceptable?

TRUMP: 50%. Right in the middle. Wishy washy. Could be good, could be bad. Decide! Don’t want to be boring so-so President. Eight years of O’Bombs already happened. If I wanted lifeless and dull I’d get Pence back from Asia. 

BANNON: Well…I guess there’s plenty of time to get those numbers up. 

TRUMP: Not up. Down. Want it below 50%

BANNON: I’m not sure I follow you sir. 

TRUMP: Want to be strong president, but underrated president. People looking at me saying “He won’t be that good” but then doing something big, stupid and flashy. Like Vin Diesel in Fast and Furious 8. 

BANNON: So you’re basing the direction of America on an action star. 

TRUMP: The xXx strategy. Boom. 

BANNON: 

TRUMP: Not XXX strategy. All caps inaccurate. Would have to get Clinton back in office and Lewinsky to play along. Or I’d have to make good on grabbing those girls. Have to lowercase two of the x’s. Spellcheck!

BANNON: Sir, I’m not sure that-

TRUMP: Need to learn how to snowboard. And do a Tokyo Drift on a motorcycle. Should probably call Ryan. Mr. Burpees there probably does that before failing to pass a bill. Better yet, get me Vin Diesel. 

BANNON: Mr. President I don’t think that Mr. Diesel-

TRUMP: Not Vin Diesel. Mark Sinclair. Diesel not his real name. Like Trump isn’t mine. 

BANNON: 

TRUMP:

BANNON: So…what is your-

TRUMP: Groot. I am Groot. Have to avoid fires and lumberjacks. Treeman! 

BANNON: I’m just going to call Pence and tell him to come back. As soon as possible. 

TRUMP: Good idea. I may need pruning. 

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