PENCE: Sir, the results from Georgia’s 6th Congressional District special election are in.
TRUMP: Two things. One. Aren’t you supposed to be in Asia making everything dull again? Two, who cares about Georgia? Except me during election time. The best. Tremendous people the Georgies when it matters. So good. So Southern. Bigly.
PENCE: Speaking of Bigly-
TRUMP: You don’t get to use that word.
PENCE: -sorry sir, but this could indeed be a big sign of how the congressional election will go next year.
TRUMP: The only signs I’m interested in are the ones with my names on them on my buildings. Which I’m no longer controlling. But totally am. So how much did the Republican win by?
PENCE: It was…undetermined. Democrat Jon Ossoff missed winning with 48.1 percent of the tally against Republican Karen Handel, so the district is going to a runoff in June. So, I guess there’s no winner yet.
TRUMP: Ugggghhhh. You’ve learned nothing. Always a win. Just need to spin it.
PENCE: But…how would you…
TRUMP: Democrat didn’t win. Therefore, Republican didn’t lose. Therefore, un-loss. Therefore, win. Logic!
PENCE: But they’re having a runoff election in June, so I don’t-
TRUMP: That’s when we’ll win. So easy. Haven’t used my secret weapon on Twitter yet. Powerful.
PENCE: *Sigh* what is your secret Twitter weap-
TRUMP: All caps.
TRUMP: Big letters, big influence. Like my signs. Font size equals victory size. Math!
PENCE: I think Archimedes just rolled over in his grave.
TRUMP: Probably because he didn’t use all caps. Would still be alive today. Biology!