4/20/2017 – GRONK SMASH!

BANNON: Mr. President, Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick and the rest of the New England Patriots are here. 

TRUMP: Bring in Kraft and Belichick. The rest of them can wait with you outside. 

BANNON: Right away sir. 

KRAFT: Donald.

BELICHICK: Mr. President.

TRUMP: Gentlemen.

KRAFT: 

BELICHICK: 

TRUMP: 

KRAFT/BELICHICK/TRUMP: Hail Hydra.

TRUMP: You. Bill. Great job coaching the team to another Superbowl victory. Wait. Meant “The Big Game.” Lawyers. So dumb. Can’t even say what everyone is thinking. Like black people and-

KRAFT: -THANK you, Mr. President (whew that was close). Bill is an amazing coach.

BELICHICK: Followed the game plan. We did what we had to do. We did the job. Gave a good effort, minimized mistakes, got the victory, went home. 

TRUMP: You. Bill. Brilliant coach but personality of a wet robot. Makes Pence look like a meth addict shopping for candy. Need to show some passion. Emote!

KRAFT: Personality is more Brady’s thing, Donald. 

TRUMP: Brady. Handsome man. He’s no Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch but the man could definitely turn a liberal’s head to the right.

BELICHICK: Haha.

TRUMP: That was hard for you wasn’t it?

BELICHICK: Yes.

KRAFT: So Donald, you wanted to meet with us before the photo op?

TRUMP: Yes. Need to borrow Belichick.

KRAFT: Sure, for how long?

TRUMP: Four years.

KRAFT: HA! Good one!

BELICHICK: Haha.

TRUMP: Not joking. Belichick. More boring than watching Pence watch paint dry. But man is brilliant. Need him to run a few things. 

KRAFT: A few things? 

TRUMP: Ok. Everything. But not getting credit. That’s El Trumpo’s job. Boom! Great idea. The best. 

KRAFT: I’m not sure that would work Donald. 

TRUMP: Those words. Ungood. Explain. 

KRAFT: Well, I’m fine with him actually doing it, but…well…heck why don’t I just show you. Bill!

BELICHICK: Sir. 

KRAFT: Let’s say I handed you over to the President and he asked you to run the entire country. What would-

BELICHICK: Fire the President. Fire the Vice President. Fire entire staff. Fire entire congress. Fire entire Supreme Court. Trade down in the election, take small college players to fill in key positions, deflate the-

TRUMP: Ok got it. Heard enough. Man has the heart of a Clinton. Small and cold. Give me a plan B. 

KRAFT: Sure. Rob come on in!

GRONKOWSKI: GRONK SMASH!

TRUMP: You’re kidding. Also, next time use door, not wall. Classier. 

KRAFT: He actually has a few key insights that you might find intriguing. Go on, give him a try!

TRUMP: Rob, how would you fix ISIS?

GRONKOWSKI: GRONK SMASH! 

TRUMP: Syria? 

GRONKOWSKI: GRONK SMASH!

TRUMP: North Korea? 

GRONKOWSKI: GRONK SMASH!

TRUMP: The economy? 

GRONKOWSKI: Gronk would support small businesses with significant tax breaks while providing incentives to hire minority and underprivileged citizens who wish to improve the quality of their lives through the values of hard work and dedication to the American dream.

TRUMP: Healthcare?

GRONKOWSKI: GRONK SMASH!!

TRUMP: Tremendous. Don’t like that economy answer but nobody’s perfect.

GRONKOWSKI: GRONK HURT BACK! CAN’T WORK FOR 6 MONTHS!

TRUMP: Typical.  

 

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