BANNON: Bad news, Mr. President.
TRUMP: I’m related to Pence?
BANNON: No sir. Nothing so horrific.
TRUMP: That’s good. Afraid I might have to change my last name again. Heritage!
BANNON: Two federal judges in San Francisco and Santa Clara upheld the Sanctuary City ruling.
TRUMP: Pheh. Means nothing. Can’t ban Muslim refugees from traveling to Hawaii and Northern California. Because if there’s one thing that they have it’s the cash and the means to travel to Hawaii and Northern California.
BANNON: It’s more of the principle of the-
TRUMP: So let’s say my name is Mohammed, or Vishnu or Schlomo, and I’m living in a dirt hut in Kenya, and I don’t have enough yen to feed my arranged teenage wife and our 14 brown kids. I’ve got, what, a goat, one of those head scarves, some prayer beads, and oh yeah, the family elephant!
BANNON: I didn’t think that collision of semi-racist intercontinental stereotyping was possible.
TRUMP: You know what’s also not possible? That Moschlomo here has enough cabbage to book his family a set of one-way tickets to the richest parts of America. Detroit or Chicago maybe, but why would Muslims want to travel from Syria to an even worse war zone? Illogical!
BANNON: Yes. Illogical indeed.
TRUMP: It’s actually a good thing.
BANNON: Sure, I’ll go with this. Mr. President, how is having three cities where Muslims can freely travel with minimal restrictions a good thing?
TRUMP: Can keep them corralled. Know where they are. Increase surveillance on Hawaii, San Fran, and Santa Clara. Can say “enhance” to guy at computer like on CSI to get clearer picture. Like when I let Ivanka have her teen friends over for a party, but restricted them to floor 67 of the Tower. Then turned on cameras. Watchdog!
BANNON: I question the legality of-
TRUMP: Learned a lot about teen girls those days.
BANNON: Now I SEVERELY question the legality of-
TRUMP: Not as hot as you think, Bannon. Was nothing but makeup, mudmasks and talk about Buffy and James Van Der Beek and Boy Meets world and Tom Cruise vs. Brad Pitt arguments.
BANNON: I don’t see how this informs how we should respond to the overturned-
TRUMP: Same as always. Complain on Twitter, drop Trumpimatum, mention court to a bunch of judges. Boom. Then get back to the big issues.
BANNON: Which big issues are-
TRUMP: Addressing Tom Cruise vs. Brad Pitt controversy. Both handsome but Pitt hasn’t aged as well. Starting to look like a retired crocodile hunter. Leathery!
BANNON: I don’t even know what that-
TRUMP: Note to self. Contact Cruise. Get notes on immortality from Scientology. Thetans!