BANNON: We’re all eager to hear your new tax plan, Mr. President!
PENCE: Congress and the media are begging for the details!
TRUMP: This tax plan. So good. The best. Just so good. Tremendous. Fair to everyone. Have to share this with you.
BANNON: By all means then.
TRUMP: The following people will pay no taxes.
PENCE: Uh oh.
TRUMP: Donald Trump. People named Donald, Don, Donny, El Donaldo. People whose last name is Trump. Anyone who has a last name that rhymes with Trump.
BANNON: I don’t-
PENCE: That might not-
TRUMP: Kidding. That’s not the tax plan.
BANNON: Oh thank God.
PENCE: Phew! For a minute we-
TRUMP: Here’s the expanded plan. The following people will also not pay taxes: Rich people. White people. Black people who talk like white people. Republicans. Billionaires. Millionaires. Mar a Lago members. Anyone who answers “yes” to “Do I like President Trump?” Eastern European supermodels. So good. Corporations. People who own real estate. Anyone who was the host of The Apprentice not named Schwarzenegger. So bad. The worst. People who think bigly is a word. Red hat wearers. Fashion! The best. Anyone who has a building with the letter T on it. All of the-
BANNON: Mr. President, I-
TRUMP: Got it. You want details about who is paying taxes.
PENCE: That might help…
TRUMP: Poor people.
TRUMP: Boom. Economy!
BANNON: Mr. President, for the sake of my neurons, let me just-
PENCE: Why are the rich not paying taxes and the poor paying all the taxes? It makes no sense!
TRUMP: Uggghhh. You. Brain as empty as the pigment in your hair. Have to explain everything to you. FINE. Follow me.
BANNON: I don’t have a crash helmet but go ahead.
TRUMP: Taxes provide goods and services. Rich people have money. Don’t need those services. Shouldn’t have to pay for something they don’t use. Poor people. Need those goods and services. Should have to pay for those things. Logic!
TRUMP: I know. Tremendous. Simple. Everyone benefits. Boom.
BANNON: I was about to say that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, but I think you’ve just clearly outlined the Republican economic ethos in a handful of barely comprehensive sentences.
PENCE: One question. How are poor people going to pay taxes when the whole point of those government services is to support those of lesser means?
PENCE: Oh. Lesser means. That’s when people have no money.
TRUMP: Still not making sense.
PENCE: *Sigh* Ok, I thought we worked on this. Picture money in your mind.
TRUMP: Always. No other thoughts.
BANNON: I believe that.
PENCE: Now picture no money.
TRUMP: Gibberish. Nonsensical facehole words. Stop making them.
BANNON: I’ll just go grab the old Republican tax plan and slap a 2017 on it.
TRUMP: Like me with Obamacare. Can respect!