PENCE: I’m just saying it’s not a good idea, Mr. President.
TRUMP: Right. It’s a great idea. Not just bigly, HUGELY. Historic. The best.
BANNON: Am I interrupting something?
PENCE: Maybe you can talk him out of this.
TRUMP: Unpossible. This idea. The best. Better than Trumpbamacare. Going to happen. Unstoppable. Historic!
BANNON: What is?
TRUMP: Me. Un. Kim-Jong. Talking. Diplomacy. Missle free. Can save them for Syria. Focused!
BANNON: You can’t be serious.
TRUMP: Trump-Un ingredients: Room, one. Great hairstyles, two. Rules, none. Just a couple of gorgeous, effective world leaders getting things done.
PENCE: (While they wait outside for these two to finish…)
TRUMP: It’ll be historic. Others can’t match. Kennedy-Khrushchev comparing beer to vodka. Alcohol. Kills brains. Leads to sex with ugly girls. So bad. Nixon-Mao discussing receding hairlines. Uggghh. Large foreheads. The worst. Brains need a hair coat. Biology! Clinton-Arafat comparing hot interns. So wrong. Interns, sure. But, meeting with Arafat, bad. Can’t talk to man wearing tablecloth on head. Reagan-Gorbachev. Such charisma. Talking about Gorby. Reagan. Ugghh. Awful President, wanting Russia to tear down walls. Need to build walls. Construction jobs! So important.
TRUMP: You two. Look stunned by my thinking.
PENCE/BANNON: That would be accurate.
TRUMP: Good. Let’s do this. Me. Un. Talking. The best.
PENCE: What…would you prefer to talk about?
TRUMP: First. What’s with the no sideburns? Understand. Need aerodynamic head. Brain cooling. So important. But can still get a fade. Fashion!
PENCE: I don’t think that’s-
TRUMP: Two. How can we ensure complete nuclear disarmament to introduce Pyongyang into the global sociopolitical conversation and guarantee their autonomy while simultaneously maintaining the dignity and sovereignty of China and appeasing the security concerns of Seoul on the peninsula?
PENCE: How the hell does he do that?
BANNON: Broken clock. Just wait.
TRUMP: Third. Asian broads. Are they turned on by just math, or can I get some by showing them a karate movie? Bruce Lee. Great karate guy. Loved him in those chop-chop movies where he beats up the white guys. Total fiction, because white guy is the best guy. Therefore, best fighter. Logic! Bruce Lee, still entertaining though. Gymkata!
PENCE: Ah. There we go.
BANNON: And the world is right again.
TRUMP: Probably need to bring gifts. Grab one of those Pokemons and some chopsticks. Or a calculator. Asian guys. Still using abacus. So bad. Calculators. The best. Has buttons instead of beads. Technology!