5/4/2-17 – Trump Wars

BANNON: Happy Star Wars day, Mr. President.

TRUMP: Star Wars day. Great day. Celebrating Reagan’s missile defense program. Huge military expense. So good. Couldn’t be more costly if the rockets were gold plated. Classy! The best. 

CONWAY: I think he’s talking about those movies, sir.

TRUMP: Never heard of them. Why are stars fighting? Unless it’s Rosie O’Donnell. Makes total sense. Can accept. Fat pig! Explain these movies. Go. 

BANNON: Kellyanne, do you…want to…

CONWAY: No way, you started it. This is your pony to ride. 

BANNON: *sigh* Ok. So. Star Wars. Well, um, picture a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away-

TRUMP: Jersey. Got it. 

BANNON: There’s this, um, place where humans and aliens coexist in a sort of-

TRUMP: Already hate it. Too many Mexicans. Build Star Wall. Make aliens pay for it.

BANNON: -and there’s this Empire, ruled by an evil emperor.

TRUMP: Don’t know this guy but I already love him. So good. What does HIS cabinet look like?

BANNON: Well, I don’t know if he has a cabinet but some of the villains in the movie are a giant robot guy who always wears black and breathes heavy.

TRUMP: That’s you. Keep going.

BANNON: Aaaand there’s a fat slug who runs a crime organization I think?

TRUMP: Ok, Christie’s not on my staff but makes sense.

BANNON: Oh! There’s the…Wampa I think it’s called. It’s like a giant Yeti with white fur.

TRUMP: Pence on steroids. Would be an improvement.

BANNON: And they’re fighting this rebellion of-

TRUMP: Liberals.

BANNON: …actually, that’s pretty accurate.

CONWAY: Don’t forget the Force, Bannon.

TRUMP: Force. We talking about my Presidential tactics? You, robot man. Explain.

BANNON: Well, it’s kind of like an energy, a power that….lets you do whatever you want.

TRUMP: Money. Got lots of Force. Trump. Force Master. The best. 

BANNON: Sure, but there’s the Light side of the Force and the Dark side. Like good and evil I guess. And the movies are all about the characters fighting the Dark side, and they win because the Light side is stronger than-

CONWAY: THAT IS A LIE. THE DARK SIDE IS ALL POWERFUL. ALL SHALL BE CONSUMED AND THE EARTH WILL LIVE IN TORMENT FOR A THOUSAND GENERATIONS.

BANNON:

TRUMP:

CONWAY:

 BANNON:

TRUMP:

CONWAY: America!

TRUMP: You. Bannon. This all sounds ridiculous. Worst movies ever. Not even close to Home Alone 2. I was in that, you know. 

BANNON: As you’ve told us repeatedly sir. 

TRUMP: OK. Next item on the agenda. Got an idea for a space station. Not a small one, a HUUUGE one. Bigly. Tremendous. The best. We’ll put a giant laser on it. Blow up Mexico, threaten China with thinly veiled tweet threats. I call it the Trump Star.

BANNON: I don’t think that is technically possible, sir.

TRUMP: Neither is Obamacare but those nuts in Congress passed that garbage anyway. THIS will at least bring jobs back to America. So good. Just tremendous. 

BANNON: Very good sir. 

TRUMP: Note to self. Revisit that whole Emperor thing. Sounds like the guy was on to something. Can respect!

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