5/5/2017 – Nobamacare

RYAN: Holy Protein, Mr. President! I’m pumped we killed the Affordable Health Care Act. PUMPED! WHOO!


RYAN: Obamacare is dead! Personal best achieved. WHOO!


RYAN: This is the part where you interrupt or say something like-

TRUMP: You’re an idiot. 

RYAN: Yup. Like that. 

TRUMP: You. Captain CrossFit. Won a small victory but lost the war. Guaranteed Republicans will lose a bunch of Congress seats in 2018. Bill probably won’t get passed in the Senate, and even if it does it’s going to kill so many people. So bad. Just the worst.

RYAN: I…never knew you felt that way about the bill Mr. President. 

TRUMP: Just learned about it yesterday. Affordable Health Care Act. Good idea. Providing health coverage to millions of Americans. Great idea. Can respect.

RYAN: But…you’ve been talking about getting rid of Obama care for months!

TRUMP: Uggghhhh. Obamacare. The worst. Small time legislation. My plan will totally replace that garbage. More like NObamacare. Horrible!

RYAN: You…DO realize they are the same thing. Right, sir?

TRUMP: Couldn’t be more wrong. AHCA. Brilliant safeguard for public health. Obamacare. Awful plan that will kill sick people and bankrupt America.

RYAN: Ok, let’s try this. Affordable Healthcare Act.

TRUMP: Brilliant. Altruistic. Patriotic. The best!

RYAN: Obama’s Affordable Healthcare Act.

TRUMP: Terrible. Inefficient. Low energy. The worst!

RYAN: I see. So we’re going to have to do something about the uninsured now.

TRUMP: Have a new plan. Provides universal coverage at an affordable rate for most Americans.

RYAN: Great! Can’t wait to-

TRUMP: I call it Trump’s Affordable Healthcare Act.




TRUMP: Tremendous.

RYAN: I’m just going to take a guess here…you took the previous plan and wrote Trump on the cover, right.




RYAN: You’re nuts.

TRUMP: Pre-existing condition. Can treat. But not with new plan. Out of pocket! 

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