PENCE: Mr. President, now that former FBI Director Comey has been um, asked to complete an involuntary career transition…
TRUMP: Just say fired, Pence. You. Walking on eggshells. Explains your white top.
PENCE: Understood sir. With the, um, firing, we need to hire a new director for the bureau.
TRUMP: You do it.
PENCE: I don’t believe that’s allowed sir. Conflict of interest.
TRUMP: Pfeh. Only conflict is you’d have to actually do something other than just standing there like a transitioning albino.
PENCE: I’ve prepared a list of-
TRUMP: Spicer you…where’d he go?
SPICER: Um, over here sir.
TRUMP: You. Spicer. Why are you hiding behind the fern?
SPICER: Just…checking for loose change. Sir.
TRUMP: Change. Good investment. Small units build up to big presence. Like my Tweet page. Incremental power!
PENCE: Mr. President, I believe you have to consider someone new.
DeVOS: I coold dew it Mistre Persidunt! As Sekretery of Edyoosashun I allredy impproved the Deepartmint!
PENCE:
TRUMP:
DeVOS: Sereeusly!
TRUMP: No.
PENCE: Maybe someone not in the room, sir?
TRUMP: There has to be a guy that…hold up. Phone. You. Phone guy. Speak.
CHRISTIE: Heya Donald, I mean Mr. President, hows everything goin’? Hey, I heard through the grapevine that you might be looking for-
TRUMP: *click* There has to be a guy that…hold up. Phone. You. Phone Guy. Speak.
GIULIANI: NEW YAWK. DA YANKEES. 911911911911911911
TRUMP: *click* There has to be a guy that can do this job. Hold up. You. Phone Guy. Speak.
PUTIN: Hyello. This is…Bob..amir…..Americanman…ski.
TRUMP: Bobamir Americanmanski. Never heard of you.
AMERICANMANSKI: Eeees good to-*COUGH*-I mean eet…it is…good to be talking to best quality Trump.
TRUMP: You. Elevator pitch. Go.
AMERICANMANSKI: FBI means Fire Bad Individuals. Like the Heellary Cleen-*COUGH*- Hillary Clinton. Gets in way of the Trump plans.
TRUMP: You’re hired. Send resume. One thing. Work on that cough. Can’t have FBI director who can’t track down source of his throat problems. Investigative lozenges!
