PENCE: You seem a little perturbed Mr. President.
TRUMP: You. Perturbed. Save the safe words for the dominatrix you think I don’t know about.
PENCE: Nothing can be proven about-
TRUMP: I mean between the Comey backlash, North Korea, Russia leaks, the very concept of you existing, nothing around me is positive. Other than me of course. Trump news is best news. But want something else to be positive too.
BANNON: Sir, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin is here to see you.
TRUMP: Bring him in immediately. Any man with the word treasure in his job description I want to see ASAP. You. Treasure guy. Give me good news. Go.
MNUCHIN: The US Economy has reached full employment sir. Trends look good!
TRUMP: Tremendous. The best. Everybody getting rich. Not Trump rich because that’s unpossible for someone not named Trump, but good news. Boom.
MNUCHIN: It…doesn’t exactly mean that sir.
TRUMP: You. Pot of Gold man. Explain.
MNUCHIN: Well, it doesn’t mean everyone is perfectly matched to a job that matches their skill set, Mr. President. It simply means that unemployment is at record lows, and pretty much all citizens seeking employment can find some sort of job. It could actually be spun as a labor crisis.
TRUMP: The only labor crisis here is by TweedlePence and TweedleBannon here sitting around here all day trying to figure out who’s the bigger moron and not getting anything done. Hint: It’s a tie.
PENCE: Um, Mr. President, I practically manage the entire-
TRUMP: You. Money Man. Answer the most important question.
MNUCHIN: Well, for the economy of the country the forecasts are-
TRUMP: Not that. How does this make me look?
TRUMP: Trump image best image. Go.
MNUCHIN: I guess…pretty good? Small business hirings are up and back to pre-recession levels, inflation and interest rates are manageable, wages are rising again, so I guess these paint the administration in a positive light.
TRUMP: Not the administration. Me. How does it make me look.
TRUMP: Like it says on the card I gave you. Go.
MNUCHIN: *sigh* Bigly. Tremendous. The Trumpiest Trump to ever Trump a Trump. Huge.
TRUMP: No. Not huge. Too falsetto. HUGE. From the diaphragm. Try again. HUGE. Go.
TRUMP: Let’s not have a Russian hacker named Yuri who I conveniently don’t know leak more info about your campaign contributions to the Clinton Campaign. Or George Soros. Or to my man Putin. But totally not my man since I don’t know him. Even though I do. Tenuous connections!
MNUCHIN: *sigh* ….HUGE.
TRUMP: HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE. Bigly. Tremendous. The best. You can leave. Go make more money.
PENCE: I…almost feel sorry for him.
TRUMP: Pfeh. You get it worse than him. But only on the days that end in y. Look at you. Like the melanin got embarrassed and moved on. Humiliated pigmentation!