BANNON: Mr. President, I have some bad news.
TRUMP: Ugghhh. What did O’bombs do now? Save a drowning kitten in flip flops? Trump can totally save kittens. But only the hot ones. Death to strays!
BANNON: Not that. I…have a number for you. 42.
TRUMP: Number of nukes in the air right now?
BANNON: No sir.
TRUMP: Number of investigations trying to impeach me? Trump impeachment. Won’t happen. Hate peaches, therefore unpossible. Defensive nutrition!
BANNON: Not exactly sir.
TRUMP: Number of groping accusations. Remember that bag of tricks?
BANNON: All too well sir.
TRUMP: Well then it has to be the number of Mexicans who’ve crossed the border. HUGE drop. Tremendous. The best. Trump iron curtain. So good.
BANNON: It’s…your approval rating sir. The lowest yet.
TRUMP: That’s it. Listen troll man, you have to come to me with worse stuff than that.
BANNON: Well, it’s just that I know how much you like yourself and-
TRUMP: Wrong. Don’t just like myself. Love myself. Trump self-love is best self-love. So good. Trump self-loves himself all day, all the time. Autopassion!
BANNON: …ew.
TRUMP: Besides, it was German mathematician Johannes Kepler who once said “I much prefer the sharpest criticism of a single intelligent man to the thoughtless approval of the masses.”
BANNON: How the hell do you do that? Twice a day, like a broken clock, at 3:47 PM, you say something profound.
TRUMP: Maybe this is why liberals hate me. They’re all retarded. Can’t think straight with their “progressive ideas”, don’t get the Trump mojo.
BANNON: And we’re back.
TRUMP: Note to self: New cologne. Trump’s Mojo. So good. Classy stink. Tremendous. The best.
BANNON: Any response for the approval poll from Politico?
TRUMP: Politico? That sounds Mexican. Of course the approval ratings will be low if a Mexican media center is running it.
BANNON: They’re not Mexican sir. They’re in Arlington, Virginia.
TRUMP: Deport them anyway. Sure, you think they’re American but you can’t trust those vowels at the end of last names. Need a patriotic consonant to end your last name. Like p for Trump. The p stands for perfection.
BANNON: Among other things.
