5/17/2017 – Patriotic Consonant

BANNON: Mr. President, I have some bad news.  

TRUMP: Ugghhh. What did O’bombs do now? Save a drowning kitten in flip flops? Trump can totally save kittens. But only the hot ones. Death to strays!

BANNON: Not that. I…have a number for you. 42. 

TRUMP: Number of nukes in the air right now? 

BANNON: No sir.

TRUMP: Number of investigations trying to impeach me? Trump impeachment. Won’t happen. Hate peaches, therefore unpossible. Defensive nutrition!

BANNON: Not exactly sir. 

TRUMP: Number of groping accusations. Remember that bag of tricks? 

BANNON: All too well sir. 

TRUMP: Well then it has to be the number of Mexicans who’ve crossed the border. HUGE drop. Tremendous. The best. Trump iron curtain. So good.

BANNON: It’s…your approval rating sir. The lowest yet. 

TRUMP: That’s it. Listen troll man, you have to come to me with worse stuff than that. 

BANNON: Well, it’s just that I know how much you like yourself and-

TRUMP: Wrong. Don’t just like myself. Love myself. Trump self-love is best self-love. So good. Trump self-loves himself all day, all the time. Autopassion!

BANNON: …ew.

TRUMP: Besides, it was German mathematician Johannes Kepler who once said “I much prefer the sharpest criticism of a single intelligent man to the thoughtless approval of the masses.”  

BANNON: How the hell do you do that? Twice a day, like a broken clock, at 3:47 PM, you say something profound.

TRUMP: Maybe this is why liberals hate me. They’re all retarded. Can’t think straight with their “progressive ideas”, don’t get the Trump mojo. 

BANNON: And we’re back.

TRUMP: Note to self: New cologne. Trump’s Mojo. So good. Classy stink. Tremendous. The best. 

BANNON: Any response for the approval poll from Politico? 

TRUMP: Politico? That sounds Mexican. Of course the approval ratings will be low if a Mexican media center is running it. 

BANNON: They’re not Mexican sir. They’re in Arlington, Virginia. 

TRUMP: Deport them anyway. Sure, you think they’re American but you can’t trust those vowels at the end of last names. Need a patriotic consonant to end your last name. Like p for Trump. The p stands for perfection. 

BANNON: Among other things.

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