PENCE: Sir, we need to talk about London.
TRUMP: You talk about London. Go ahead. Be just like them. All they do is talk talk talk. With their ‘Top of the Morning!’ and ‘Tally Ho Guvnah!’ and their ‘Foshizzle my Nizzle!’ Too polite!
PENCE: About that last one, I don’t-
TRUMP: Too many manners. Can’t trust anyone with that many manners. Means they’re hiding something. Covert etiquette!
PENCE: Well, I’m just wondering that maybe since they’re the ones who are actually suffering from these attacks, perhaps a more balanced approach-
TRUMP: Uggghhh. If you want balance, go to the circus. Brits don’t need talk, they need action! If it wasn’t for us coming to save the day they would have lost back in 1776!
PENCE: Actually, sir, they-
TRUMP: So Trump took action. No waiting, just dove right in. Boom. Splash. Greg Louganis!
PENCE: What…did you do sir?
TRUMP: Trump tweet. Problem solved. Efficient!
PENCE: *Sigh* What exactly did you tweet sir?
TRUMP: Not important. Key thing is Trump tweet leads to solutions.
PENCE: Just so I’m aware of how…innovative…your solution was, what did you say?
TRUMP: Called their Mayor a candy legged fairy sissy boy who is too scared to do anything about the nasty Muslims in that dirty little rathole he calls a city.
PENCE: Oh dear Lord.
TRUMP: Good point. Should have called him lazy too.
PENCE: Mr. President, are you aware that Sadiq Khan is the first Muslim mayor in the history of London?
PENCE: Yes, sir, he’s a full time Muslim.
TRUMP: Damn. Well this changes things. Should have known. Really regret what I tweeted now.
PENCE: If we act quickly we could-
TRUMP: Wish I knew he was Muslim so I could include that in my tweet. Trump tweet. So good. Tremendous. But needs Muslim angle to make it the best. That way Trump tweet can completely stop terrorism in London. Effective communication!
PENCE: So your solution would be to…mock his Muslim heritage to stop radical Islamic terrorism.
PENCE: The ‘Boom’ is what they’re afraid of sir!
TRUMP: Ugh. You. First of all, no air quote fingers. So girl like. And B, you have no idea how powerful Trump tweets are. Mighty. Effective. Just the best. Used them to stop Mexicans immigrating here by sending President Nieto embarrassing tweet. Would have been so much more powerful if it turned out Nieto was Mexican too. Can’t have everything I guess. Unless you’re Trump, in which case you totally can. OmniTrumpic!
PENCE: Ay ay ay.
TRUMP: You. Stop speaking French. That language is off limits until they rename their Freedom Fries. Culinary appropriation!