6/13/2017 – Sesh

BANNON: Mr. President, Attorney General Jeff Sessions is here to see you.

TRUMP: Finally. Let’s talk to the man. 

SESSIONS: Good afternoon Mr. President. I just want you to know that even though I’m testifying in-

TRUMP: You. Sessions. Look like a surprised elf staring at a Christmas tree. All the time. 

SESSIONS: Well, I do declare I will try to remain festive sir. 

TRUMP: You. Jeff. Can I call you Sesh?

SESSIONS: Actually, sir, I’d rather you kindly refrain from-

TRUMP: Listen Sesh, going to level with you. Man to man. But Trump to man, because Trump better than ordinary man. Homo superior! 

SESH: …very well then sir. 

TRUMP: Did you speak to the Russians? 

SESH: No sir. Well, maybe once. 

TRUMP: Just once? 

SESH: Absolutely sir. Oh wait. There was that other time with Ambassador Kislyak. 

TRUMP: So two times. 

SESH: Well, in fact if I am going to be truthful about such things than I must confide in you sir that I did in retrospect meet with him twice. So technically, three times with the Russians, as I do so recall.

TRUMP: That’s it? 




TRUMP: How many?

SESH: Ok, there may have been a few more cordial conversations about this and that, if I do say so myself. 

TRUMP: Ugghhhh. How many sessions with the Russians, Sessions? That’s a pun. Trump pun, best pun. 

SESH: Well, it’s kind of hard to say sir, they say talk to you later, and being an Alabama man of the mannerly sort, I do feel in a sense obligated to-

TRUMP: You. Sesh. Can’t be polite. Don’t get it. How can you be so nice to the Russians but hate the Jews so much? 

BANNON: Actually Mr. President, he hates black people. I’m the marginally antisemitic one.

SESH: I must disagree with you Bannon, I do not hate black folk!

TRUMP: Good to know. Black people good people. Strange love of hot sauce but can respect differences in condiments. Ok. Test time. You. Sesh. Outside a building. Two people walking to the door. A Russian and a black man. Who are you holding the door open for?



SESH: …is the Russian gentleman black too, or is it just the black guy?

TRUMP: Nice try. White as the day is long.

BANNON: That doesn’t make any sense sir.

TRUMP: Makes Trump sense. Trump sense is best sense. Individualized logic!

SESH: Ok, I would hold open the door for the Russian gentleman, but I would start a conversation with him at the doorway while still holding open the door so the black guy can walk through while it’s open, so I don’t look racist. 

TRUMP: Nice, two birds with one bush. 

BANNON: Sir, first of all, thanks again for that Trump logic, and am I the only one who noticed Attorney General Sessions called the Russian a gentleman but not the black man? 

SESH: Need I remind you, Mr. Bannon, that where I come from calling a black man a guy is practically Southern evolution! Forgive me if I don’t share your evolved Northerner sensibilities. 

BANNON: You do realize the Civil War is over, right Jeff? 


TRUMP: You. Bannon. Give Sesh a minute. I recognize this. It’s like when I found out professional wrestling is fake. Paradigm shift! 


BANNON: I didn’t see this coming. 

TRUMP: We’re good. Got Vince McMahon on button 2 on my hotline for just such an emergency. Dealt with this before with Eric. Still in shock!

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