BANNON: Mr. President, Attorney General Jeff Sessions is here to see you.
TRUMP: Finally. Let’s talk to the man.
SESSIONS: Good afternoon Mr. President. I just want you to know that even though I’m testifying in-
TRUMP: You. Sessions. Look like a surprised elf staring at a Christmas tree. All the time.
SESSIONS: Well, I do declare I will try to remain festive sir.
TRUMP: You. Jeff. Can I call you Sesh?
SESSIONS: Actually, sir, I’d rather you kindly refrain from-
TRUMP: Listen Sesh, going to level with you. Man to man. But Trump to man, because Trump better than ordinary man. Homo superior!
SESH: …very well then sir.
TRUMP: Did you speak to the Russians?
SESH: No sir. Well, maybe once.
TRUMP: Just once?
SESH: Absolutely sir. Oh wait. There was that other time with Ambassador Kislyak.
TRUMP: So two times.
SESH: Well, in fact if I am going to be truthful about such things than I must confide in you sir that I did in retrospect meet with him twice. So technically, three times with the Russians, as I do so recall.
TRUMP: That’s it?
SESH:
TRUMP:
SESH:
TRUMP: How many?
SESH: Ok, there may have been a few more cordial conversations about this and that, if I do say so myself.
TRUMP: Ugghhhh. How many sessions with the Russians, Sessions? That’s a pun. Trump pun, best pun.
SESH: Well, it’s kind of hard to say sir, they say talk to you later, and being an Alabama man of the mannerly sort, I do feel in a sense obligated to-
TRUMP: You. Sesh. Can’t be polite. Don’t get it. How can you be so nice to the Russians but hate the Jews so much?
BANNON: Actually Mr. President, he hates black people. I’m the marginally antisemitic one.
SESH: I must disagree with you Bannon, I do not hate black folk!
TRUMP: Good to know. Black people good people. Strange love of hot sauce but can respect differences in condiments. Ok. Test time. You. Sesh. Outside a building. Two people walking to the door. A Russian and a black man. Who are you holding the door open for?
SESH:
TRUMP:
SESH: …is the Russian gentleman black too, or is it just the black guy?
TRUMP: Nice try. White as the day is long.
BANNON: That doesn’t make any sense sir.
TRUMP: Makes Trump sense. Trump sense is best sense. Individualized logic!
SESH: Ok, I would hold open the door for the Russian gentleman, but I would start a conversation with him at the doorway while still holding open the door so the black guy can walk through while it’s open, so I don’t look racist.
TRUMP: Nice, two birds with one bush.
BANNON: Sir, first of all, thanks again for that Trump logic, and am I the only one who noticed Attorney General Sessions called the Russian a gentleman but not the black man?
SESH: Need I remind you, Mr. Bannon, that where I come from calling a black man a guy is practically Southern evolution! Forgive me if I don’t share your evolved Northerner sensibilities.
BANNON: You do realize the Civil War is over, right Jeff?
SESH: IT’S REAL TO ME!
TRUMP: You. Bannon. Give Sesh a minute. I recognize this. It’s like when I found out professional wrestling is fake. Paradigm shift!
SESH: PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING IS FAKE??
BANNON: I didn’t see this coming.
TRUMP: We’re good. Got Vince McMahon on button 2 on my hotline for just such an emergency. Dealt with this before with Eric. Still in shock!
