6/14/2017 – Precious

BANNON: Mr. President, Attorney General Jeff Sessions is back from his testimony.

TRUMP: Who? 

BANNON: Jeff Sessions? The Attorney General of the United States? 

TRUMP: Still not registering. 

BANNON: *Sigh* Sesh is here. 

TRUMP: Sesh. Love that guy. Looks like he retired after 30 years at Keebler but man can rock a testimony. Still might fire! Ok. You. Bannon. Out. You. Sesh. In. Go. Boom.

SESH: Good morning Mr. President, I do believe that yesterday could be interpreted as a successful defense if I may be so bold. 

TRUMP: No. You. Not bold. Only Trump is bold. You can be italics. Font jokes!

SESH: Yyyyess. Now Mr. President as I’m certain you are aware of I am of course at your disposal-

TRUMP: Not disposing of you yet. Need you to mess up first. Or if I randomly decide to fire you for no reason whatsoever. Keeps people on their toes. Career ballet!

SESH: Mr. President, I am nonetheless quite busy today with multiple appointments, so if I may ascertain why you have invited me here-

TRUMP: I didn’t. He did. 

ORB: COVFEFE!! HAVE YOU SUMMONED HIM? I AWAIT A REPLY. DO NOT MAKE ME WAIT

TRUMP: Sesh is here. Sesh meet Orb. Orb, Sesh. You two. Talk. Go. 

SESH: Is that what I think it is?

TRUMP: No idea what you’re talking about, so…yes. 

ORB: WHERE IS IT YOU HIDEOUS CREATURE?

TRUMP: What creature? Is Pence here? 

ORB: MY MINIONS CONTINUE TO SEARCH FOR MY PRIZE AND YOU WILL GUIDE THEM

SESH: No! It’s mine! My precious! You cannot have it! Me wants it! It is mine! And when I find the filthy thieves who stole the precious we will keeps it forever!

ORB: YOU WILL DELIVER IT TO ME OR YOU WILL SUFFER FOR A THOUSAND GENERATIONS

SESH: No! It’s minesies! It’s my precious! You can’t have!

ORB: MARK WELL MY DEMANDS, CREATURE. I RETURN TO THE NETHER REALMS. CONSIDER YOUR NEXT ACTIONS FOR THEY WILL GUIDE YOUR FATE. BEGONE!

TRUMP: Not good Sesh. 

SESH: Why, Mr. President, this is certainly nothing for you to be overly concerned about. Rest assured, everything is under-

TRUMP: Not upset about that. Upset about not knowing about this prize. You. Explain. Go.

SESH: You can’t have it! It’s precious to me!!! I mean….oh, it’s nothing just a tiny, gold…beautiful…ri-

TRUMP: Never mind. If it’s not money or a model preferably in her 20’s from an Eastern European country called Somthingstan, I don’t care. Not precious. Subjective value!

SESH: Now, if you’ll pardon me sir, I need take a quick trip to the Hobb….um….Hobbs. New Mexico. To discuss your…wall?

TRUMP: Sure. No idea why an Attorney General needs to do that but I have no idea what most people do around here. Other than making me look good. So easy when you’re Trump good, because Trump good is best good. Everything else is less good. Just have to exist, instantly worse than Trump. So good.

SESH: Outstanding, Mr. President.

TRUMP: Ok. You. Go. Have to do something about this ring.

SESH: RING????

TRUMP: Yup. Ring tone on my phone. Keeps playing Russian anthem for some reason. That reminds me. Need to call Putin, then remind press I have no ties to Moscow. Bold faced lies! 

 

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