6/20/2017 – Confidential Machinations

BANNON: Mr. President, Senator Mitch McConnell is here. 

TRUMP: Good. Send him in.

BANNON: He’s…actually right outside the window sir.

TRUMP: Ugghhh. He’s still rewriting that health care thing, right? 

BANNON: Yes sir. 

TRUMP: FINE. Open the window. 

BANNON: There you go, Senator. 

McCONNELL: Good morning Mr. President. 

TRUMP: You. Mitch. Senate Majority leader. Rewriting Affordable Health Care Act. Removing Obamacare. Can respect!

McCONNELL: Thank you, sir. 

TRUMP: You. Not an owl. Cannot respect. Ungodly!

McCONNELL: I don’t know where these rumors start sir. I just…is that what I think it is? On your desk? 

TRUMP: This dead mouse? 


TRUMP: You want it? 


TRUMP: Catch!

McCONNELL: *gulp* Mmmmff thank youff Mffrr Prsssdent. *gulp* Any-WHOOO, I don’t know where these rumors start.

TRUMP: Clearly inaccurate!

McCONNELL: It’s enough to get my neck twisted and turn it three hundred sixty degrees to scan for small mammals!

TRUMP: Finally. Someone who didn’t say 180 degrees. Got it right! So good. Ok. Next topic. Health care bill. What’s the deal?


TRUMP: You’re not letting any of the liberals see it. No problem. Can respect. O’Bombs and his flunkies practically wrote the entire Obamacare thing in private. You’re simply doing the same thing. Confidential machinations!  

McCONNELL: Thank you, Mr. President, but I fail to see how this is a problem. 

TRUMP: You’re not letting any of the Republicans see it either.

McCONNELL: Correct sir.

TRUMP: You’re also not letting me see it. Not good. Trumpcare needs Trump input. Trump health so good. Just tremendous. Perfectly toned physique. So manly. The best. Trump hair. So natural, so healthy. Nothing unusual at all. Natural mane!

McCONNELL: I’d be happy to share the draft with you Mr. President as soon as I’m finished writing it. 

TRUMP: Ok. You. Going to ask this once. Are you writing the bill at night while perched on a branch because you’re a nocturnal hunter? 




TRUMP: Thought so. Can respect. 

McCONNELL: I’m actually quite impressed how you were able to determine that so quickly.

TRUMP: Trump logic best logic. Trump mind works so fast it’ll make your head spin.

McCONNELL: I’m actually good with that already.    

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