6/22/2017 – Solar Panels

PENCE: So sir, about last night-

TRUMP: What did Melania tell you? Totally untrue! FAKE NEWS. The fakest. Totally did not happen. Trump pipes working great!

PENCE: 

TRUMP: 

PENCE: 

TRUMP: Like a giant orange hose. Putting out a fire. Conflagration maintained! 

PENCE: Ew. I…was actually referring to your speech. In Iowa. 

TRUMP: Iowa. Great people, but worst state name ever. Sounds like a guy with a broken jaw trying to say I don’t know. Novocaine!

PENCE: That was quite an…interesting speech you gave. 

TRUMP: Tremendous. So good. Just the best. Every time I think about it I say to myself, “Donald, first of all, you’re the best. So good. Just amazing. Also, you can’t possible do better than what you are doing right now.” Then I do. Trump boundaries are walls that only Trump can pass. Acceptable mental Mexican!

PENCE: Yes. The wall. About that. Um…solar panels? 

TRUMP: Great idea. The best. Just so good. Someone probably told me about it but I’m the one who said it in public. Therefore. Trump idea. Innovative appropriation! 

PENCE: How exactly are we going to pay for that? 

TRUMP: Pays for itself over time. The long term energy savings alone combined with the reduced reliance on foreign oil allows us to introduce solar energy as less of an alternative energy source, and more as a primary driver for mass consumption of solar power into the next century. Plus, this will allow Mexico to dramatically reduce the amount of their investment, and we can offer a significant amount of financial resources over time to help Mexico fight the war on drugs on their turf. A double investment, in a sense, where everybody truly does win. 

PENCE: Wow, it just amazes me how you do that broken clock genius thing twice a day. And then a moment later you revert back to-

TRUMP: Only problem is Mexicans will have to install the solar panels. They might think it’s giant mirrors and try to paint over it with images of Jesus or one of those saints with the glowy things around their lamp heads. Jesus. Great guy. Nice guy. So good. Can walk on water. Feet made of swimmies. Turns loaves and fishes into exponential growth. But the guy is not transparent. Opaque messiah!

PENCE: And there we go. 

TRUMP: New idea. Hang giant crystal ball over mirrors. Convince Mexicans it’s a HUGE dance hall. Need to hire three thousand DJs. Wait. They’ll be too busy doing that Salsa or the Tango or the Morengee or whatever it’s called. Too busy dancing, not enough time working. Lazy dancers!

PENCE: And there we go again.

TRUMP: New idea. We get soccer balls.

PENCE: They call it football down there.

TRUMP: Ugghh. You. Listen to you. Everyone knows football is American. Nobody calls a sport where you kick a ball with your feet and only use your feet “football”. Makes no sense. American pastime!

PENCE: I think I need to build a war around my brain.

TRUMP: Put solar panels around it. Wait. Your hair could probably do that. Look at those follicles. So reflective you could turn Medusa to stone. Clash of the Titans! 

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