6/28/2017 – Mostly Small Mammals

McCONNELL: Listen Michael, I understand that the President has final say on our health care legislation.

PENCE: He has final say on everything usually, Mitch. And first say. And all the says in between. 

McCONNELL: Well, he IS the President. 

PENCE: Thanks for reminding me. 

McCONNELL: Michael, I’m just saying if the House and Senate had their pick for who to negotiate with from the White House, well, it’s you and not him. Right now there’s a bunch of Republican Senators that are being intimidated by that pro-Trump America First group. I know he’s not directly involved but how can anybody let themselves be influenced by bullies?


McCONNELL: Sorry, I forgot.

PENCE: I understand Mitch. It’s horrible when you let someone walk all over-Good Morning Mr. President.

TRUMP: You. Owl boy. Finish making medical bill. Here. Fresh mouse.

McCONNELL: *Mmmmpphh* *Gulp* MMMmthankff you Mffr. Prsidntff. *Swallow*

PENCE: Mr. President, Senator McConnell was just letting us know that there are a bunch of Republican Senators who are being harassed by-

TRUMP: America First group. Trump supporters. Therefore, best people ever. So good. Just great folks. Tremendous. Have to tweet out to them my hit list later.


PENCE: -list?

TRUMP: Hit list. Of senators to harass. Not Democrat senators because that’s like punching retards. Not saying it’s wrong to punch retards, just saying it accomplishes nothing. Need to give them something shiny, like a nickel or transgender bathrooms. Who cares where ladyboy ladies pee, just don’t fart in the john. Common manners!

McCONNELL: …wow.

PENCE: I believe it might also be counterproductive to harass Republican senators, sir. 

TRUMP: Listen to you. Your whole time here is nothing but being harassed and you do exactly what I say. Your hair looks like a white surrender flag. Follicular capitulation!

McCONNELL: Mr. President, might I suggest a more positive persuasive approach before we lose our fringe Republican senators? After all, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar!

TRUMP: And what do you usually catch? 

MCCONNELL: Mostly small mammals, like rodents, voles, lemmings, shrews, and even some bats. It depends on the time of night that oh dear Lord I’m NOT AN OWL. 

PENCE: Mr. President, with your permission of course, it might be best if I take a more direct approach in these negotiations with our GOP brethren. 

TRUMP: Sure. Why not? You speak coward, they might relate. Or they might be too scared to. Anxious prey!

McCONNELL: Prey??? Where?

TRUMP: Boom. 

McCONNELL: Damn it!

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