7/3/2017 – Cobra Clutch

PENCE: Hey there Steve.

BANNON: Michael. You seem relaxed. 

PENCE: Sure. 


PENCE: Oh dear Lord Jesus savior of all humanity and what remains of mine what did he do NOW? 

BANNON: This. Hold on let me maximize the screen. There you go. 

PENCE: He’s. Body slamming. CNN.

BANNON: And then he tweeted that.

TRUMP: Boom. Media smack down!


PENCE: Christ!

TRUMP: Appreciate the compliment but not Jesus. Even though it takes a miracle to be as good as me. Just amazing being Trump. Divine awesomeness!

BANNON: Sir. Um about this tweet-

TRUMP: So good. Just the best. Which one you talking about? Doesn’t matter. Every Trump tweet is the best tweet ever. Tweettastic. It can’t get any better but then it does. 

PENCE: Mr. President, you sent out a tweet showing you body slamming CNN.

TRUMP: Wrong. That’s me body slamming Vince McMahon. Someone put the CNN logo on top of that. Wow Pence, you’re going to have to read up about these things. Not impressed by your lack of technology awareness. Evangelical Luddite!

PENCE: You talk to him.

BANNON: Sir, while I…appreciate the…context of how you were demonstrating your successful criticism of CNN’s media integrity- 

TRUMP: Just the worst. So bad. CNN is the Ted DiBiase of media outlets. 



TRUMP: As in The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase from the WWF? Ughh. You two. Just the worst. Even worse than the Million Dollar Man. Can you imagine being someone who’s bragging about having a million dollars? No shame! 

BANNON: Mr. President I hate to be the bad guy here-

TRUMP: You love it. 

BANNON: Ok I do, but I have to tell you this really is demeaning to the dignity of your office!

TRUMP: You do realize you’re talking to me here, right?

BANNON: It has not escaped my notice.

PENCE: Sir, please just…just take a look at it again. 

TRUMP: Hmmm…leaning on mat. BOOM! Ha good one. Two shots…three…tremendous. Just great. 

BANNON: Mr. President you can’t possibly think-

TRUMP: You. Troll man. Stop talking. I actually agree with you.

BANNON: This embarrasses your constituents and-what did you say?

TRUMP: Agree. Not appropriate. Should have seen it before. Embarrassing oversight!

PENCE: There’s hope. Hope!

TRUMP: Should have used piledriver. Or reverse suplex. Would have caused better head trauma. Wait. No. Got it. So obvious. The Million Dollar Dream. Best finishing move. Simultaneously knock out opponent while mocking him that he’s not a billionaire, only a millionaire. Laughable finances!

PENCE: There’s hope an asteroid might hit me. Or a train. Or at least a stroke. 

TRUMP: Note to self: call Vince McMahon. He’s number 2 on my hotline. Number 1 is Putin who I don’t know at all but totally do, number 3 is Melania. Need to set up match with MSNBC. I’m thinking a tag team bout against the Morning Joe team. Or a cage match with Rachel Maddow so I can do the Cobra Clutch on her.

BANNON: Please don’t tell me that’s some form of grope. 

TRUMP: It is but not the good kind. Appropriate hand techniques!

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