7/7/2017 – For the First Time

BANNON: Here we go. 

PENCE: Presidents Trump and Putin meeting in public. For the first time.

BANNON: Because they’ve never met before today.

PENCE: No they have not!

BANNON: Not once!

PENCE: Ok, they are walking over to each other. Slowly and formally as if they are cautious yet curious…

BANNON: Handshake with the good hand. Good nod. Friendly but not silly. So far so good.

PENCE: Oh no! Pat on the shoulder! He’s too familiar with Putin!

BANNON: I think we can say the President was just being himself and circumventing the traditional practices of diplomatic greetings due to inexperience. He’ll learn quickly.

PENCE: I think the President tried his arm pull on Putin. Mr. KGB Judo there didn’t even flinch. That’s going to be a meme. Damn it!

BANNON: Did the President wink? Jesus Christ he winked!

PENCE: We can work around that. Dirt in the eye.

BANNON: They’re sitting down…good…butts on cushions at the same time…hips descending…stay on target…great. Ok, first words of greeting. Come on, Mr. President, you can do it. As we rehearsed…

TRUMP:  Hello-President-Vladimir-Putin-the-President-of-Russia-who-I-have-never- met-in-person. It-is-a-pleasure-to-meet-you-for-the-first-time-with-no-evidence-to-the-contrary.


BANNON: The Eagle has landed!

PUTIN: Hyello. Prezeedent Dawnald Trump. I too hyave never myet yoo in poorson. Eet ees also playsoore to meet yoo hyeere at Gee tventee soomit.

BANNON: Ok. We’re on a roll. 

PENCE: If they just stick to the script I think we’ll be-

TRUMP: Hail Hydra.

PUTIN: Hyail Hydra.


PENCE: Normally I would cringe against being in public with someone taking the Lord’s name in vain, but God fucking damn it.

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