7/14/2017 – Inactive Appendage

PENCE: Have you seen the President anywhere? 

BANNON: He’s not here. Melania took him to France. 

PENCE: Well at least he can’t cause any damage here. I guess I’m in charge then! Boss time, here we go!

BANNON: Nope. Read the note he left on his desk. 

TRUMP: You. Pence. I think that’s your name. So unimportant. Just like Vice President position. Useless. Just hanging there like testicles on a priest. Inactive appendage! Can’t have you running things. Can only imagine how badly you’d manage things compared to me. Called Belichick. Borrowing Gronkowski. Impressed me at last meeting. Hidden talents! Do what he says. Country in good hands with Gronk. But not great hands. Only Trump has great hands. Great big hands. Not small at all. Fake News! -T. P.S. Trump the best. P.P.S. I hate you.

PENCE: He’s kidding right? 

BANNON: Gronk, come on in. 

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Whoa! Holy guacamole! Use the door next time!

BANNON: Did you just say “Holy guacamole”? 

PENCE: Anything’s possible in the eyes of our Lord and Savior. So, Mr. uh, Gronk-

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Yes. So, Mr. Gronk, what will you be doing while you are-

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Ok, sure, I guess smashing is acceptable. Granted we will have to repair a bunch of walls but I don’t believe you will be influencing policy to any extent. 

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Excellent! Watch this Bannon. Hey, um, Mr. “Gronk” how do you recommend we address ISIS? 

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Sure! Ha! I bet it’s that easy. Just smash ISIS. Problem solved! Thanks Gronk! Hey, how about healthcare? Give us a few pearls on that! 

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Sure sounds great! I have no problem with seeing Obamacare in a headlock! Housing?

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Immigration?

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Media? 

GRONK: Gronk recommends engaging in an open but mutually beneficial dialogue with both Left and Right leaning media outlets, providing messaging that promotes the President’s agenda yet remaining open to the acceptance of criticism while tasking said media outlets with taking a more objective stance in an attempt to return to classic journalism that prioritizes information over opinion. 

PENCE:

BANNON: Hey, it’s better than what we get out of the President. 

PENCE: So…Gronk…what DO you think about the President? 

GRONK: GRONK SMASH!

PENCE: Can we keep him? He’s my new favorite human. 

BANNON: That is a broad use of the term “human”. 

PENCE: Gronk, smash Bannon. 

GRONK: GRONK HURT BACK! GRONK OUT FOR 8 WEEKS

PENCE: Typical. 

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