7/19/2017 – Blumpcare

PENCE: They’re all here, sir. 

BANNON: All 52 GOP senators, as you requested.

TRUMP: Tremendous. Ok. Let’s get to this. You guys. Health care bill. Need to pass it. Pronto. Can’t waste time. Lives are on the line!

PENCE: It’s good to see you are so concerned about the lives of-

TRUMP: I mean how am I going to get my life back to normal until you dweebs pass something for these sick nothings? Promise them you’ll toss them some aspirin and sign your name. Boom. Healthcare bill. Medical innovation!

BANNON: And what should we do about Obamacare?

PENCE: We need to have an answer for all the patients enrolled on it. 

TRUMP: I’m inclined to let them die. 



TRUMP: It. Meant let IT die. Tricky pronouns!

BANNON: We…may need to work on those a bit more, sir. 

TRUMP: Ok. The rest of you. I see here the nation’s best and brightest. Fifty-two Republicans from all 52 states. 

PENCE: It’s actually-

BANNON: Forget it he’s rolling. 

TRUMP: Work needs to get done. You guys need to do the work that needs to get done. So no leaving Washington until there’s a healthcare bill on my desk ready for me to sign.Not just a good healthcare bill, the best. 

PENCE: Bravo!

BANNON: Well said, sir!

TRUMP: A bill that I won’t sign until I get back from vacation. 



TRUMP: Vacations. So good. Just the best, believe me. Trump vacations best vacations. Time share!

PENCE: Mr. President, um…if I can just point out that-

BANNON: Sir, why are you demanding all of the Republican senators stay and work on this while you leave to go on some extended golf holiday? 

TRUMP: Easy. Did my job. Tweeted how bad Obamacare is. Blamed Dems. Demanded Republicans replace. Boom. Done. Effective delegation! 

BANNON: Well what the hell are we-

PENCE: Just…let him go, Bannon. He’d just be in the way anyway. This way we can actually get things done.

BANNON: You’re right. And for a  little while we won’t have answer to-

TRUMP: While I’m out, Blump is in charge. Don King. Black Trump. Blump. So good. Needs to work on hair though. Near perfect substitute!

PENCE: Dear Lord. 

BLUMP: Maaaan, I ain’t seen dis many crackas in a room since I was at da Nabisco factory! Ok, Blumpcare, here we go. STEP ONE: Get me some Ben Carson all up in dis joint. Ain’t no laws bein’ passed until a brother wit some common sense be innit!

BANNON: We’re doomed. 

PENCE: Could be worse. He could have asked for Al Sharpton. 

BLUMP: STEP TWO: Get me some Kung Fu films! 

PENCE: Which…one? 


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