8/8/17 Game of Trumps

BANNON: So then Daenarys follows Jon Snow into the caves under Dragonstone to find that dragonglass, and all I’m thinking is “if that was Hillary she wouldn’t mine it to stop the White Walkers. She would have sold it to the Lannisters through her foundation to get her elected queen.” 

PENCE: Ha! Good one! That’s so true.

TRUMP: What is?


PENCE: Eeep!

TRUMP: Eeep? Ugggh. Just the worst. Can’t even do cowardly shock right. Multilayered failure!

BANNON: We were just talking about Game of Thrones sir.

TRUMP: You. Troll man. Explain this throne game. Go.

PENCE: Actually sir, before he does, we were kind of wondering where you’ve been the last couple of weeks. We’ve been-

TRUMP: I’m waiting Bannon. Throne game. Hit me.

BANNON: Inmywildestdreams. ANYWAY Game of Thrones is this story that takes place in a fantasy world-

TRUMP: Like Obamacare actually working.

BANNON: Exactly. 

TRUMP: Fiction. Can’t stand it. No analogies to real life. Go on. 

BANNON: Well there’s this….throne…in this land that everyone is fighting for so they can control the Kingdom of Westeros. 

TRUMP: See what I mean? Pointless. Wasting my time. Stopping me from tweeting about the power struggle between Liberals and the Right for the Oval Office and control the Western hemisphere. Can’t relate!

PENCE: And then we were just talking about Daenerys Targaryen. She’s this charismatic figure that her subjects unquestionably follow, and she’s making a claim on ruling the world, and she has these three enormous dragons that crossed the ocean to-

TRUMP: Can you hear yourself? Total kid story. Makes no sense. Would never happen in real life. Have more important things to do, like figure out how to stop Kim Jong Un from launching 3 ICBMs across the Pacific. No comparison! 

BANNON: And throughout the story there’s all these main and supporting characters that are killed off. 

TRUMP: Makes no sense. People getting kicked out of this weird power struggle story? Ridiculous! By the way, where’s Sean Spicer, Rinsed Penis, and the Mooch?

PENCE: And there’s these people with colorful names and titles, like the Bastard Jon Snow, The Mountain, The Imp, The Hound, and-

TRUMP: Anyone seen Mad Dog Mattis? Need to talk about ISIS.

BANNON: And then there’s this evil blonde queen who-

TRUMP: No time for this. Have to mock Hillary. 



TRUMP: What? 

BANNON: Oh, um. I was thinking you might actually like Game of Thrones. See, there’s this wall-

TRUMP: I’m listening.

BANNON: And it’s manned by the Men of the Night’s Watch. They’re basically a bunch of criminals who swear their lives to take the black and-

TRUMP: A wall worked for free by a bunch of black criminals. Still listening.

PENCE: The wall is huge sir. You’d love it! It’s over 700 feet tall.

TRUMP: Game of Thrones. New favorite story. Glowing Orb: Order the entire-


BANNON: Why does he still have that? 

PENCE: The wall is magically impenetrable and armed with all sorts of weapons sir.

TRUMP: This wall. Favorite wall. Best wall until Trump wall built. 

PENCE: And it keeps out the White Walkers. 



TRUMP: The who?

PENCE: The White Walkers. 



TRUMP: More. 

PENCE: Well, they’re like these evil zombies who are, I guess…white. And they’re trying to travel south and…destroy the Seven Kingdoms.

TRUMP: A wall that keeps white people out.

PENCE: That’s correct sir.

BANNON: I’m afraid so.

TRUMP: Game of Thrones. Worst story ever. None of this applies to real life. Pointless!

PENCE: The wall is in the north, sir.

TRUMP: Wall that keeps out Canadians. Makes sense. Canadians. Whitest people anywhere. Need to keep out! Note to self. Build second wall after Mexican wall.

BANNON: Best not to tell him about Jaime and Cersei’s incestuous-

TRUMP: Anyone seen Ivanka?



TRUMP: Need her to sit in on a couple of meetings.


PENCE: Thank God. 



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