8/11/2017 – Guam

TRUMP: Can’t believe North Korea is threatening Guam. 

BANNON: Yes, sir. Guam. 

PENCE: Guam.





PENCE: It’s an island in the Pacific. 

TRUMP: Already knew that. Unincorporated territory. Capital City is Hagåtña and largest city is Dededo. 

BANNON: That’s…right?

TRUMP: Can’t have Kim Jong Un threatening to attack the largest island in Micronesia. 

PENCE: Wow! That’s correct sir!

TRUMP: You could probably see those missiles coming all the way from Mount Lamlam, which is 406 meters above sea level. No harm must come to the Chamorros, the indigenous people of Guam. Already suffered from the Japanese in World War 2. Need time to heal!

BANNON: That’s amazing sir!

PENCE: How…do you know so much about Guam, sir?

TRUMP: Have a factory made there. Make my Trump tie clips. Just the best. Holding ties like any other cheap tie clip, but Trump tie clip. Therefore classy. So good. So good. Also trying to set up one of my hotels in Tumon. Largest tourist hub in Guam. Twenty hotels already there and a pleasure island. But no true pleasure until Trump arrives. Trump pleasure best pleasure. Just tremendous. 

BANNON: Well other than being slightly nauseated at the term “Trump pleasure”, I have to say I’m really impressed, Mr. President! 

PENCE: Or it could be one of those situations where he focuses all of his intelligence on a single bit of minutia but misses the big picture. 

TRUMP: Unpossible. Trump brain best brain. Knows all things big and small. Scalable mentality!

BANNON: I have to admit it is a bit of a stretch that you know so much about Guam.

TRUMP:  Big fan of their belembaotuyan music, but not their mangnginge sniffing ritual of their elders. Pops Trump. Brilliant businessman but smelled like brandy and Cuban cigars. Pungent capitalist!

PENCE: Sir, where is your tower located in New York? 







TRUMP: What’s a New York?

BANNON: And the world is right again. 

PENCE: It’s like Old York but newer.

TRUMP: Makes sense. Old York, not getting job done. Need to fire and hire New York. Circle of life!  

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