8/15/2017 – Blandaccino

BANNON: Ok sir, let’s give it another shot. 

PENCE: From the top.

TRUMP: My fellow Americans. I don’t like these Nazis. They’re really bad guys. Ok? They’re ungood. Don’t like!

BANNON: What did you think?

PENCE: Bland.

TRUMP: Uggghh. You would know bland. Like a giant, walking, talking, bland smoothie. Blandaccino! 

BANNON: Mr. President, your last condemnation of the Nazi protesters in Charlottesville just wasn’t strong enough. The people are demanding stronger language!

TRUMP: Sure. Because that worked SO well with OBombs. Oh, you attacked my embassy? Diplomatic shunning. What’s that, a terrorist attack in a market? Expressed disappointment. Weak! 

PENCE: Nevertheless, sir. In this instance a strong denunciation would help our image.




PENCE: *Sigh* You. Your image. Not mine.

TRUMP: Bingo. Nothing helps your image. Except maybe some melanin.

BANNON: Sir, the denouncement of Nazis shouldn’t be that hard.

TRUMP: Want to know where OBombs and Crooked Hillary were with all of the Black Lives Matter violence against cops, or all of the Antifa rioters?

PENCE: We know sir, but let’s tackle one group at a time. Let’s focus on Nazis.

TRUMP: Always do.

PENCE: I mean condemning them.

TRUMP: Ugggghh FINE. Don’t like those guys anyway.

BANNON: I…hesitate to ask this, but…why don’t you li-

TRUMP: Tiki torches. Tacky. It’s like they went shopping at Bigots, Bath and Beyond. Just the worst. No sense of style. Unfashionable racism!

PENCE: I…I just can’t anymore.

BANNON: Let’s go with that. It has to start somewhere.

TRUMP: And why are all those Nazis dressed like the Geek Squad staff at Best Buy? Are they marching or fixing my hard drive? Get a uniform.

PENCE: Sir, you see, there was this war that happened in-

BANNON: Don’t bother. He might get “ideas”.

PENCE: Wait a minute, I thought you were a racist. Aren’t you?

BANNON: Of course not! How dare you?

PENCE: Sorry, I didn’t mean to-

BANNON: I’m anti-Semitic. Totally different thing.


TRUMP: They’re sporting a good look for my golf course, though. Note to self. First condemn, then send invites to Mar a Lago. Double dipping!

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