PENCE: Mr. President, I was praying to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ last night-
TRUMP: YOUR Lord and Savior. Trump is president, therefore superior. Don’t recall Jesus winning any elections. Low energy Messiah!
PENCE: Be that as it may, sir, I prayed with all of my heart and soul as I always do, and something amazing happened!
TRUMP: You found some brown hairs and a spine. Amazing. Just tremendous. Sarcasm!
PENCE: No sir. Jesus responded!
TRUMP: You have my attention. Assuming you told him, yes, your boss would be happy to accept his application for Mar a Lago, right? Jesus. Potential member. But no walking on water if golf ball goes into lake. Messianic handicap!
PENCE: No, sir, he told me that…well…
TRUMP: Out with it fauxbino. So good, fauxbino. Just the best.
PENCE: He said that his Father, you know…GOD…would send a sign whether you should resign from the presidency or not today.
TRUMP: You. Whitest of the white. Elaborate.
PENCE: Well, HE said if you should remain President, golden rainbows will cross the sky and a flock of bald eagles will fly above the White House.
TRUMP: Ughhh. They’ll probably crap on the roof.
PENCE: And if you should resign…well…
TRUMP: Out with it.
PENCE: Total eclipse.
DeVOS: Hey Pence, Mr. President.
TRUMP: Unpossible. Eclipse. Never happen. Only eclipse I’ve ever seen is Ben Carson walking in front of you.
CARSON: I can do that right now if you want.
TRUMP: Gah! A boring eclipse!
CARSON: The Sumerians invented the eclipse but the empire was destroyed when it destroyed their sundial.
TRUMP: Didn’t think you could possibly-
PENCE: Look! The sky! It’s getting dark!
DeVOS: THE ETERNAL NIGHT HAS BEGUN! THE DARK LORD SHALL RISE FROM THE NETHER REALMS AND BATHE IN RIVERS OF BLOOD!
PENCE: OR it’s a sign from GOD that you should resign Mr. President! You should do it now!
DeVOS: ALL HAIL THE NIGHT KING OF-
CARSON: And it’s done.
PENCE: What? NO! COME BACK! I was so close!
TRUMP: Ugghhh. Worst eclipse ever. Dealt with antifa marches longer than that.
CARSON: I speak fluent Sumerian. It’s like Akkadian but with a creole accent.
DeVOS: WHERE IS THE DARK LORD? WHY HAS HE NOT COME?
CARSON: Maybe he’s here already?
CARSON: Don’t look at me you racist pricks.
PENCE: NO! No. Wasn’t looking at you Ben. It’s…what’s behind you.
TRUMP: Nice try Orb. Don’t think Alexa on steroids here is some sort of devil. Alexa. Far more evil. Always listening. Even while me and Melania are going at it.
TRUMP: The two of us. Totally naked. Just slapping our-
DeVOS: Satan’s tail, the mental image!! GAK!
CARSON: Sexual intercourse is a natural biological phenomenon.
TRUMP: See? Carson. Man of science. Rational mind!
CARSON: I’m a Pegasus.