PENCE: Mr. President, the Head of FEMA is here.
PENCE: The Federal Emergency Management Agency..
PENCE: *Sigh* that’s the group that’s handling the hurricane stuff.
TRUMP: Totally knew that. Harvey. Good stuff. Houston. Totally taken care of. Great job. Trump best hurricane manager. So good. Show the guy in.
PENCE: Here he is. Mr. President this is Administrator Brock Long.
LONG: Good morning Mr. Pre-
TRUMP: OH MY GOD.
LONG: Is everything ok sir?
TRUMP: Not ok. Totally makes no sense. You. FEMA guy. Your name. Brock Long. Best porn name ever. Should be FEMALE guy, not FEMA guy. Miscast vocation!
LONG: I…I don’t-
PENCE: Give him a minute to get it out of his system.
TRUMP: Your hands. Let me see them. Hold them up.
LONG: I…ok, sure.
TRUMP: See Pence? Average size hands. But name is Brock Long. Must have enormous unit, like the ol’ Trumpedo. Trump penis best penis. No relation to hand size, which is totally normal. Inverse anatomical correlation!
PENCE: Yes sir.
LONG: Um…Mr. President, about the hurricanes…
TRUMP: Great job on Harvey. You. Did all the management. I showed up and took credit. Handed a package of something to a guy. Great photo op. Houston saved. Trump savior best savior. So good. Just tremendous. The best, believe me.
LONG: I…yes sir! Great job sir. You were amazing. And now I’m certain you realize that Irma is an even bigger concern.
LONG: Yes sir.
LONG: The other hurricane.
TRUMP: The other hurricane.
LONG: Yes sir.
TRUMP: Not good.
LONG: Actually sir, it might be the worst hurricane to hit the country, well, ever.
TRUMP: Even though it’s a girl hurricane. Can’t be stronger than guy hurricane. Science!
LONG: Yes, well, this is…one of those Rosie O’Donnell hurricanes. Just…the worst. Believe me.
TRUMP: Got it. Makes sense. Boom. Listen to this guy Pencey, he knows things.
LONG: Anyway, sir, Florida is about to get hit, um…bigly?
LONG: Boom. Bigly by Irma. Totally not good. Just the worst. Florida. Lots of voters. Want to vote for you, but need to see you do great things. Just tremendous. The best.
TRUMP: Totally on point with you. Speaking the ol’ Trump lingo.
LONG: Trump language best language.
LONG: Boom. So. Florida. Irma. Not good. You. Give FEMA money. Lots. Just a HUUUGE amount. The best. I do all the work, you show up, take credit. Just tremendous.
TRUMP: You got it. Blank check for FEMA. Piles of cash!
LONG: Bigly. Just tremendous. The best.
TRUMP: You need anything else?
LONG: No. You handled everything. Trump so good at managing everything. There’s another hurricane in the Atlantic. Jose. But we all know you’ll never let a Jose into America.
TRUMP: Boom. You. Go handle things. All the money you want.
LONG: Boom. And after that, I’ll totally get back to the porn.
LONG: Tremendous. Believe me. Thank you sir.
PENCE: That was…amazing! I’ve never seen anything like it! How in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did you speak in tongues?
LONG: Mike, I’m the head of disaster management. Have you ever seen a bigger disaster than him?
PENCE: …good point.
TRUMP: What are you two talking about out there?
PENCE: Um, nothi-
LONG: Just talking about TRUMP hurricane! Too big for words. US. Couldn’t handle. Too HUUUGE. Too classy. Trump hurricane best hurricane, believe me.
TRUMP: You just earned more cash. The best!
PENCE: Are you sure you don’t do porn? Because I’m really turned on right now.